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    Mari Amaterasu

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    Mari

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    Mari Amaterasu

    Post by Mari on Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:57 pm

    -----------------------
    Personal Info:
    -----------------------
    Name: Mari Amaterasu
    Nickname: The Successor, The God Slayer
    Age: 18
    Gender: Female
    Sexuality: Straight
    Species: Human/Demon
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    -----------------------
    Appearance:
    -----------------------
    Height: 5'8"
    Skin/Fur/Scales, Etc.: Pale skin
    Eyes: Maroon
    Hair: Mari has extremely long black hair that falls mid-calf and is pull back into a high, side ponytail. It's a bit messy, and a part of her hair above her right eye is slicked up, the rest of her bangs cover her left eye. She never has her hair down, as it usually gets in her way.
    Looks: Mari has a slim and well-toned body, due to fighting and training for the majority of her life. Her facial features are very sharp, especially her eyes. She is usually seen with a straight, almost tired expression, but glows with content when around her comrades.

    She mostly wears assassin-like attire, but likes to keep her fashion intact. On most occasions, she wears one of two outfits. The first one is a maroon, sleeveless, cheongsam-styled dress with white bandages and black fingerless gloves over her hands. She wears black thigh-high socks and matching boots that end just below her knees. Her second outfit is one of a tight, black, and also sleeveless dress that ends in the middle of her thighs and a maroon long coat. She has the same gloves and boots on with this outfit. Above all things, no matter what she wears, she is always seen with her long navy scarf that was given to her by her deceased friend around her neck.
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    Specialties
    ---------------------
    Strengths/skills: Mari is an extremely skilled fighter, as she spent most of her life focusing on becoming stronger and being capable to protect her loved ones. Being half demon, she is incredibly speedy and can pack quite a punch. She is a fearsome opponent when fighting close-ranged.
    Weaknesses/Flaws: Though being able to deal much damage, Mari has mediocre defense, if not a bit lacking. She is extremely hot-headed and has a bit trouble controlling her anger, especially if it's something relating to her past. She also has a bad habit of ignoring her own injuries and pain, stopping at nothing to continue a fight until she can no longer stand. Being half demon also causes her to some times lose control of her own actions, which is why her rage can easily take over her and make her unnecessarily violent.

    Special Abilities: Mari wields a holy sword named Alteris that was gifted to her by one of the gods in her world. She has the ability to summon her sword at any given moment and is able to control lightning alongside it. No matter where her sword goes, Mari can call it back to her hand and she can use this ability to attack, almost using it like a boomerang. However, Mari has very little practice with this destructive blade--as it was just recently given to her--and still has a bit of trouble controlling it, which is why she works best alone.

    Being half demon also gives her a boost in fights and can shift into her Astral Form, where she can fully harness her demonic abilities. In this form, she is much stronger, faster, and has the ability to regenerate her injuries. However, this form strains her body severely and is mostly used as a last resort, as it only lasts for a few minutes and leaves her in a state of total exhaustion.
    ---------------------
    Personality:
    ---------------------
    Personality: At first, Mari is cautious and polite, but becomes sarcastic and very blunt when she begins to settle in (but this also shows that she's finally comfortable with her surroundings). She likes to tease and insult her friends, but does it in a friendly nature and is her way of showing affection. She cares deeply for her comrades and will do everything in her power to protect them, fearing that she will lose more people that she loves. Relating to her scarring past, Mari's main fuel in life is revenge and is extremely ambitious. She absolutely hates losing and will stop at nothing to become stronger. She has a strong sense of self-doubt and blames only herself for any failures that occur, she thinks very little of herself despite her skills. On a lighter subject, Mari is extremely dense and romantically brain-dead. She can never tell if someone has an interest in her and just takes everything as a friendly gesture.

    Likes/Hobbies: Training/Getting stronger, playing video games, taking naps, being able to relax without stress, bacon, her scarf (she has a very strong attachment to it)
    Dislikes: Overseers/Dark Creatures (the enemies of her world), needles, insects, hiking,
    Fears: Losing the people she loves, being too weak/failure, getting shots (weirdly enough, even though she fights against people with dangerous weapons as a living), accidentally hurting her own comrades
    ---------------------
    Family:
    ---------------------
    Parents: Alive, currently injured
    Mate: N/A
    Offspring: N/A
    Relative: N/A
    Brothers/sisters: Miyuki - older sister (21)
    ---------------------
    History: When Mari was little, her town was invaded and completely destroyed by Overseers and Dark Creatures (as stated before, the enemies of her world). She lost everything. Her home, her belongings, and--most importantly--her best friend, Saki. She was lucky that she didn't lose her family either, but since that day, Mari's main goal has been to become strong enough to eradicate the monsters that destroyed her life, wanting them to pay for what they've done and suffer tenfold.

    Later on in the story, Mari soon finds out that she is not entirely human and is the chosen child of the Goddesses of Light and Dark (once again, of her own world), the one who is created to protect mankind. The Successor. Now, seeing that she is half demon and has the weight of the world on her shoulders, Mari is disgusted with her own being but must carry on for the sake of her people. (This part is kinda confusing and hard to explain, I'm so sorry. Mari comes from an original story of mine and I'm basing her off of that.)
    ---------------------
    RP paragraph:
    "No, Saki... Please, please don't leave me...!"

    Mari stared down at the limp girl in her arms, her once glowing blonde hair was now tainted with a mixture of dirt and blood and her emerald eyes that used to hold so much light were as dark as any demon's heart. Tears streamed down Mari's cheeks as she continued to nudge her friend, but to no avail. She couldn't accept that her only companion was dead. She didn't want to.

    "Wake up... Please wake up...! You can't... You can't be dead... You promised that we would fight against those damned Overseers together...! Keep your stupid promise, you idiot!"

    "Mari..." The said girl heard her sister calling out to her in a hush, lightly placing a hand on her shoulder. "We have to go... It's not safe here anymore, we have to evacuate right now."

    "I don't want to leave her! She... She can be saved, I know it! All we have to do is bring her to a doctor and they can save her!" Mari whipped her head up to Miyuki. In the back of her head, she knew that her friend was long gone, that nothing could save her. Not even a miracle. But, she didn't want to face reality, not yet.

    "...I'm sorry, Mar... But we have to go without Saki."

    "No! We can...! There must be...! I... I..." Mari couldn't even finish her statement before bursting into sobs, her whole body trembling uncontrollably. She lost all sense of herself, she couldn't do anything but let out her cries of despair.

    Miyuki could only look at her with pity as she took the girl in her embrace, lifting her up in her arms and carrying her away from her friend's body. "Come on, we have to go back to Mom and Dad..."

    Mari didn't say a single word back, only continuing to sob into her sister's shoulder. "I'll kill them all... I'll kill all those damned Overseers and Dark Creatures...! I'll make them pay for what they've done! No matter what... I will avenge Saki and the people of our town! I will kill them all! Every single one of them!"
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    Lexia
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    Character sheet
    Character Name: Insanity
    Species: Unknown
    Alignment : Chaotic Evil

    Re: Mari Amaterasu

    Post by Lexia on Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:37 pm

    Hello there~

    I'm going to need to request a few things to be changed before I can approve your app. I'm going to jump straight into your weaknesses.

    Mari has mediocre defense, if not a bit lacking.

    How is this true? I need you to clarify what this actually means. Go into detail, how are her defenses lacking? What about it makes her weak? Tell us.

    Being half demon, she is incredibly speedy and can pack quite a punch.

    I am going to need you to go into much more detail than that. How fast is she able to run? How hard are her punches? Can she keep up her speed indefinitely, does it wear her out? If so, how long can she run before she can't do it anymore? Be sure to put it in posts instead of 'about five minutes' as time like that just isn't really helpful. We need these sorts of things answered in your app as, if they aren't, you are able to just able to become something that no one can catch up to and you can shatter mountains with simple punches. I know that might seem a bit excessive, but how you have written it, that's how extreme it can be- and that's kinda a little bit too powerful.

    She is a fearsome opponent when fighting close-ranged.

    What makes her fearsome, is it how hard she can strike? And in what regards is this close-ranged fighting, is it hand to hand combat, or is it something more than that?

    Mari wields a holy sword named Alteris that was gifted to her by one of the gods in her world.

    You are allowed to bring your character here from another world, however, you cannot have something from a god in your world. That's just unfair on everyone else here who doesn't have such awesome gifts from the gods in TB. You need to get rid of the 'gods in her world' part, UNLESS you clarify that this isn't actually true and it's a figure of speech. Why is this? It's because there are only 2 gods on TB. Regardless of if you were from another world, translating your character to TB means that this 'gift from gods' cannot happen here. I'm sorry to be a pain, but that's just how it is.

    She has the ability to summon her sword at any given moment and is able to control lightning alongside it

    I need you to be more in depth with this. How can she control lightning? How often can she control it? This will need to be measured in posts, for example, she can create a lightning surge that reaches up to 350 feet from her at a target location. After that, she needs a 2 post cooldown. Also remember to add weaknesses to this, or it will be somewhat really powerful and I cannot accept it.

    No matter where her sword goes, Mari can call it back to her hand and she can use this ability to attack, almost using it like a boomerang.

    I am going to need you to limit the distance that she can call her boomerang back from. I mean, you can be on the other side of the planet and call it right back to you. That is far too powerful to have here. Also, can this ability be blocked or rebounded by armour, another sword, etc? It needs weaknesses, and please limit how often she can call her blade back to her (measure it in posts). Otherwise you could constantly throw it and recall it while it is only just on the other side of her opponent. Also, I will need you to explain how the blade comes back to her. Does it teleport into her hand? Or does it get called back, does it spin back to her? How does it return to her. (Keep in mind that you will need to do a weapons application for this item!)

    Being half demon also gives her a boost in fights and can shift into her Astral Form, where she can fully harness her demonic abilities.

    I am going to need you to give a brief description of your Astral form. What does it look like? What is it made of? As right now it seems like you phase into something that cannot be hit by anything and you're practically pure energy, which is sorta unfair.

    In this form, she is much stronger, faster, and has the ability to regenerate her injuries.

    I am going to need to request the same thing here as for what I have covered in strengths regarding your demonic abilities. I also will need you to give me examples of what she can regenerate (as well as how fast!). For example, she could heal minor cuts and bruises in 1 post and more significant injuries (lacerations and such) over a duration of 3 posts. Also include a list of things which she cannot heal, for example, severed limbs and such like that. It's kinda important to know these things.  Also, make sure you keep everything in relations to post instead of 'time'. (Make sure you include weaknesses with it please!)

    However, this form strains her body severely and is mostly used as a last resort, as it only lasts for a few minutes and leaves her in a state of total exhaustion.

    So is this form a once off use per topic? Or how often can she use it after the first time (measured in posts, of course~!)? And ensure to translate the form duration from time into posts please. I would like you to give more information as to how it strains her body. Does it compromise her, does she start getting flimsy with everything she does? Details are vital.

    Also, just one thing with your dislikes...

    Overseers/Dark Creatures (the enemies of her world)

    You don't need to really worry about having this here.

    When Mari was little, her town was invaded and completely destroyed by Overseers and Dark Creatures (as stated before, the enemies of her world). She lost everything. Her home, her belongings, and--most importantly--her best friend, Saki. She was lucky that she didn't lose her family either, but since that day, Mari's main goal has been to become strong enough to eradicate the monsters that destroyed her life, wanting them to pay for what they've done and suffer tenfold.

    Later on in the story, Mari soon finds out that she is not entirely human and is the chosen child of the Goddesses of Light and Dark (once again, of her own world), the one who is created to protect mankind. The Successor. Now, seeing that she is half demon and has the weight of the world on her shoulders, Mari is disgusted with her own being but must carry on for the sake of her people. (This part is kinda confusing and hard to explain, I'm so sorry. Mari comes from an original story of mine and I'm basing her off of that.)

    I know that you are basing her from your original world, but you need to have her fit into TB's reality. You need to remove what relates to gods, overseers, everything like that as they do not exist in TB's reality, regardless of if you come from one reality into another. You could simply have her village ransacked by people and that's how she lost everything, but anything relating to deities, you have to remove. Anything that isn't related to TB in any way must be removed. And I am sorry to say but the gods here have been in a slumber for a long time and only one has been reawokened within the past... what? IC time, a month? If that? So you can't have things related to gods here. Please, please remove it.



    When you have done these things and edited them on your app, please bump it up! If you have questions, please don't be afraid to ask them.


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      Current date/time is Mon Dec 11, 2017 5:08 am