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    Shudaar: Master of Lightning

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    Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Wed Jul 27, 2016 6:13 pm

    Personal Info:
    -----------------------
    Name: Shudaar
    Nickname: Shu, Shu Shu
    Age: 3
    Gender: Male
    Sexuality: Me likes dem females
    Species: Dragon: NightFury
    Alignment: Loyal
    -----------------------
    Appearance:
    -----------------------
    Height:
    From ground to shoulder; Current: 1'0 Adult: 6'0
    Standing on hind legs; Current 4'4 Adult: 26'0
    Skin/Fur/Scales, Etc.: Black scales with red markings
    Eyes: Yellow
    Hair: NO!
    Looks: He is a black Night Fury, with yellow eyes and claw-like red markings on his scales over his eyes.  He also has a red dash on each front paw just along his shins, and two red stripes on his tail.
    Spoiler:
    ---------------------
    Specialties
    ---------------------
    Strengths/skills:
    Manipulating Electricity:  Look at abilities
    Flying:  He is also an excellent flier, and can carry two average weight people, a third is pushing it
    Fast and agile:  Being a Night Fury, he is extremely quick and agile, able to move stealth-fully and quickly.  With effort, can reach 100mph in horizontal flight.  Max dive speed is 200mph.  (30 mph Horizontal, 50mph dive)
    Weaknesses/Flaws:
    Ice:   The cold slows his bodily movements and he absolutely hates the cold, doing all in his power to avoid it.
    Weak Reflexes:  In close combat, he is not skilled at all and may sometimes dodge into the blow, like trying to dodge a punch but actually smashing into it instead.
    Smaller:  Being a Night Fury, he is physically weaker than most other dragons.  While he could over power a human or something similar his size, anything bigger is a challenge at the very least.
    Trusting:  He trusts things too quickly
    Curious:  he can get curious of things he should stay away from
    Special Abilities:  This is his main way of defense and attack.  To manipulate and create electric attacks.  Abilities are as an adult if trained (parenthesis are current)
    Creating:  His body has an internal storage of electricity, able to produce lightning bolts.  He has 10 'shots' of lightning, and will remain that way until he recharges or sleeps/rests for an hour per shot to recharge.  He cannot store more than 10 shots in his body.  Before he can launch his attack, he must concentrate part of it out, causing himself to spark for a couple seconds before it is released.  Lighting he creates is roughly twice as strong as an electric eel.  Non-fatal unless weak to electricity.  Energy explodes on non-conductive surfaces.  (Currently has 2 charges, roughly equivalent to that of a taser, spark up is 5 seconds)
    Manipulating:  Electrical energies that are non biological are capable of being controlled/manipulated.  This includes natural and artificial energy.  To control it, however, it has to be 'exposed' per say, or he has to have a way to get to the energy source.  Energy cannot be ripped out through concrete or metal of a structure for example, unless an opening to the electrical system is available.  Attacks from other lightning users can be controlled once they are withing 100 feet of him.  Outside that range it becomes a 'wrestling' match for control over their attack.  Max speed of the electrical attack is 120 mph, but this cannot be redirected .  It can ONLY reach higher speeds to match his current speed, but it cannot exceed his current speed if above max launch speed [ex is if in dive, it can stay next to him, but cannot go faster and will slow as he does.  Once launched, it will immediately slow down within limits]  To be controlled/bent/arced, it must slow down.  This will not be an instant process, and the slowest speed the electrical energy is 5 mph.  Arcing the electrical at speeds of 30 mph take 3 seconds to do a 180 degree turn, and will be 100 feet away. [imagine being on a circle, lighting goes 180 degrees and ends on other side of circle).  At 45 mph, it would take 7 seconds to do a 180 degree turns.  Range is 600 feet before dropping off and no longer in control.  Effective range increases with thunderstorms, but Shudaar cannot create them.  (Currently cannot control it, just project it and absorb it to recharge.  Range is 30ft as hatchling.)


    ---------------------
    Personality:
    ---------------------
    Personality: Shudaar can be a goof, easily getting into trouble when he should know better.  He has a tendency to take things that do not belong to him, especially if they are shiny or tasty.  It is most likely the cause of his curiosity with how things are, and he becomes over familiar with strangers.  That is, of course, as long as they do not threaten him or his owner.  He is very loyal to his owner, and will obey them, able to understand them even if he cannot speak to them.  When with strangers for the first time, Shudaar will be wary of them, but once they prove to not be a threat (which may be 5 seconds of petting for him), he will like them maybe a little too much.  
    Likes/Hobbies:
    Fish
    Being pet
    Fish
    Being scratched
    Fish
    Lightning
    Playing and flying
    Being pet
    Dislikes:
    Sharp objects
    Eels
    His owner/parent being mad at him
    The cold
    Fears:
    Anguillophobia:  Fear of eels
    Athazagoraphobia:  Fear of being forgotten
    ---------------------
    Family:
    ---------------------
    Parents: Unknown
    Mate: He can try ;)
    Offspring: N/A
    Relative: None
    Brothers/sisters: None
    ---------------------
    History: Born into captivity of outlaws, Shudaar had to fend for himself and learned early the ways to hunt for food, starting with mice and fish. When a group of bounty hunters came and annihilated the outlaws, Shudaar hid and remained unseen, following the bounty hunters back to a city not knowing what else to do. It was there he came into a fruitful relationship with a simple milkman. Shudaar learned that the two legged liked the green paper, fighting over it sometimes, and that nice things happen when giving it to others. It was when he 'borrowed' some milk, having never tasting it before and loving it, that he was caught by the not so happy milkman at the time. Long story short, the milkman gave Shudaar milk every time he brought him green paper. Having no concept of money, the milkman made quite a bit sometimes, and other times not much at all. Shudaar would be given about a 2 quarts of milk per visit and giving the man money, no matter what he brought. Sometimes it was only a dollar, other times a twenty, or even a hundred. By giving the milk with no relevance to the cash, the milkman lost some money when Shudaar brought only a single dollar, but it would quickly be made up when he brought a bigger amount of green paper. The most the milkman has made on giving Shudaar milk was $153, not a bad sale price for a couple of quarts of milk.
    ---------------------
    RP paragraph: Shudaar sat.  Shudaar drank water.  Shudaar then was sleepy.  Shudaar took a nap.  Shudaar woke and drank more water.  (Hey, it said to be creative! :3)

    Spoiler:
    Old App Personal Info:
    -----------------------
    Name: Shudaar
    Nickname: Shu, Shu Shu
    Age: 3
    Gender: Male
    Sexuality: Me likes dem females
    Species: Dragon: NightFury
    Alignment: Loyal
    -----------------------
    Appearance:
    -----------------------
    Height:
    From ground to shoulder; Current: 1'0 Adult: 6'0
    Standing on hind legs; Current 4'4 Adult: 26'0
    Skin/Fur/Scales, Etc.: Black scales with red markings
    Eyes: Yellow
    Hair: NO!
    Looks: He is a black Night Fury, with yellow eyes and claw-like red markings on his scales over his eyes.  He also has a red dash on each front paw just along his shins, and two red stripes on his tail.
    Spoiler:
    ---------------------
    Specialties
    ---------------------
    Strengths/skills:
    Manipulating Electricity:  Look at abilities
    Flying:  He is also an excellent flier, and can carry two average weight people, a third is pushing it
    Fast and agile:  Being a Night Fury, he is extremely quick and agile, able to move stealth-fully and quickly.  Average flight speed is 100 mph, where with effort, can reach 150mph in horizontal flight.  Max dive speed is 300mph.
    Weaknesses/Flaws:
    Ice:   The cold slows his bodily movements and he absolutely hates the cold, doing all in his power to avoid it.
    Electrical Conductors:  While not the worst, it does make controlling electricity the way he wants it much harder.
    Smaller:  Being a Night Fury, he is physically weaker than most other dragons.  While he could over power a human or something similar his size, anything bigger is a challenge at the very least.
    Trusting:  He trusts things too quickly
    Curious:  he can get curious of things he should stay away from
    Special Abilities: Master of manipulating, redirecting, and creating lightning. He is exceptional with lightning and electrical based attacks, and can even take over other electric based attacks from other users.
    Attacks: He can generate a high enough voltage to act as a taser and stun the opponents, lasting a couple seconds after the shock like a regular taser, hence being called a stun type of attack.
    Blood Lightning:  Used on any electric-type enemy, it corrupts the electrical power inside the user, and when they try to use an attack with electricity, it will detonate just outside the body.  Using this is very draining on Shudaar, and the bigger the target, the more energy drained. (Note:  These are his adult powers which he will mature into, right now, he just gunna give you a little zap <3)
    ---------------------
    Personality:
    ---------------------
    Personality: Shudaar can be a goof, easily getting into trouble when he should know better.  He has a tendency to take things that do not belong to him, especially if they are shiny or tasty.  It is most likely the cause of his curiosity with how things are, and he becomes over familiar with strangers.  That is, of course, as long as they do not threaten him or his owner.  He is very loyal to his owner, and will obey them, able to understand them even if he cannot speak to them.  When with strangers for the first time, Shudaar will be wary of them, but once they prove to not be a threat (which may be 5 seconds of petting for him), he will like them maybe a little too much.  
    Likes/Hobbies:
    Fish
    Being pet
    Fish
    Being scratched
    Fish
    Lightning
    Playing and flying
    Being pet
    Dislikes:
    Sharp objects
    Eels
    His owner/parent being mad at him
    The cold
    Fears:
    Anguillophobia:  Fear of eels
    Athazagoraphobia:  Fear of being forgotten
    ---------------------
    Family:
    ---------------------
    Parents: Unknown
    Mate: He can try ;)
    Offspring: N/A
    Relative: None
    Brothers/sisters: None
    ---------------------
    History: Born into captivity of outlaws, Shudaar had to fend for himself and learned early the ways to hunt for food, starting with mice and fish. When a group of bounty hunters came and annihilated the outlaws, Shudaar hid and remained unseen, following the bounty hunters back to a city not knowing what else to do. It was there he came into a fruitful relationship with a simple milkman. Shudaar learned that the two legged liked the green paper, fighting over it sometimes, and that nice things happen when giving it to others. It was when he 'borrowed' some milk, having never tasting it before and loving it, that he was caught by the not so happy milkman at the time. Long story short, the milkman gave Shudaar milk every time he brought him green paper. Having no concept of money, the milkman made quite a bit sometimes, and other times not much at all. Shudaar would be given about a 2 quarts of milk per visit and giving the man money, no matter what he brought. Sometimes it was only a dollar, other times a twenty, or even a hundred. By giving the milk with no relevance to the cash, the milkman lost some money when Shudaar brought only a single dollar, but it would quickly be made up when he brought a bigger amount of green paper. The most the milkman has made on giving Shudaar milk was $153, not a bad sale price for a couple of quarts of milk.
    ---------------------
    RP paragraph: Shudaar sat.  Shudaar drank water.  Shudaar then was sleepy.  Shudaar took a nap.  Shudaar woke and drank more water.  (Hey, it said to be creative! :3)


    Last edited by Shudaar on Sat Nov 19, 2016 4:28 pm; edited 12 times in total


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Lexia on Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:02 pm

    Heya ShuShu! I just want a few more clarifications with your dragon before I can re-approve him.

    Shudaar wrote:Fast and agile: Being a Night Fury, he is extremely quick and agile, able to move stealth-fully and quickly.
    Can I just ask how quickly he is able to move? I know it might seem like a silly question, but I'd like to know how fast he is able to go. There's a big difference between going 100mph and going 30mph

    Could you also just explain how he is a master of redirecting electricity, as I'm curious to know if he can use this redirection to be able to manipulate thunderstorms and whatnot, as this is rather vague. Can you please put down examples of what he can and can't do?

    With your taser zap, how long does that last and how many times is he able to use it and what are it's limits?

    Also, with your blood electricity, would he be able to use that against someone who doesn't use electricity? What are it's limits and strengths?

    Please bump when you have edited it ^^


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:33 pm

    He is a dragon and as per site regulations, going to be stronger than other races Razz

    Despite the movies and whatnot making it seem like he hits the speed of sound, I kept dive speed under half that.

    Redirecting is another fancy way for saying he controls the lightning and can move it. If it is electrical based, he can move the electrical part.

    Taser zap....lol. Just wordplay in basically saying zapping someone with Lightning. Not really a taser per say, but any shock could be considered a taser.

    Yeah, blood lightning could be used on non electric based users....but that would be a waste of energy xD

    *Le Bump*
    He is a dragon soooooooo Razz


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Lexia on Wed Jul 27, 2016 10:49 pm

    I'd like you to put the changes in your app please, not state them in your next post Razz

    Bump when you have said the changes in your app :)


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Wed Jul 27, 2016 10:53 pm

    ...I did make changes......lol


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Lexia on Wed Jul 27, 2016 11:20 pm

    I'll redo the review then, my apologies.

    You state that;

    Shudaar wrote:Master of manipulating, redirecting, and creating lightning

    Tell me, in your app by editing it, what sorts of things he can create. Can he make a lightning storm out of thin air? If so, how large would the storm be, does his abilities cause him to be fatigued?

    Shudaar wrote:Attacks: He can generate a high enough voltage to act as a taser and stun the opponents.

    I would like you to say how long the stun lasts for, and how often he is able to use it. Also, how far can he zap? Please make the changes in your app.

    Shudaar wrote:Blood Lightning: Used on any electric-type enemy, it corrupts the electrical power inside the user, and when they try to use an attack with electricity, it will detonate just outside the body. Using this is very draining on Shudaar, and the bigger the target, the more energy drained.

    I need you to tell me, in your actual app, if he can use it on a person who doesn't have electric based attacks and what would happen to them if he did use it.

    I also need you to add limits on your character, as no one should be without limits.

    Also, add a few flaws to your characters personality in the 'weaknesses/flaws' section as all I see there are weaknesses for your character.

    Bump when edited, please ^^


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Thu Jul 28, 2016 8:40 am

    .


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Lexia on Thu Jul 28, 2016 7:14 pm

    Approved~ ^^


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Wed Aug 10, 2016 9:15 am

    Changed heights only fyi


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by sLy on Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:19 pm

    Since we have changed TB and therefore the threshold on what is considered overpowered and such, I am going to conduct another review on this app. Currently your app does meet the standard for the old TB, but unfortunately one of your abilities have been flagged and needs to be changed:

    Master of manipulating, redirecting, and creating lightning. He is exceptional with lightning and electrical based attacks, and can even take over other electric based attacks from other users.

    Even if this is only available when Shudaar becomes an adult, the sheer potential of it is massive. No matter what, lightning travels extremely fast and not many is going to survive a single bolt. Being able to manipulate and even CREATE lightning already puts Shudaar into the overpowered range. Any sort of enemy, he can just create lightning and strike them where they stand, resulting in an instant kill. There's no specified limit to how frequently he can create lightning or how taxing it is to his energy. Additionally, there were no specified cooldowns. Also, due to the extreme calibre of your ability (manipulating and creating lightning), I am going to ask that you provide a detailed description of how he can manipulate them rather than providing a general statement.

    Another problem with this ability that just came to my attention is that you can manipulate lightning from other characters. While it was allowed back in the old TB, and the first revamp of the new TB (when dragons were decided to be overpowered), dragon strengths have been lowered considerably to not give already existing dragons too much of an edge against newer members. Therefore, this ability needs to be changed, as it also crosses the boundary of what is considered powermodding as you are manipulating the other characters lightning. You are more than welcome to redirect the enemy lightning once it is fired towards Shudaar if you are considering keeping some aspect of it.

    Blood Lightning:  Used on any electric-type enemy, it corrupts the electrical power inside the user, and when they try to use an attack with electricity, it will detonate just outside the body.  Using this is very draining on Shudaar, and the bigger the target, the more energy drained. (Note:  These are his adult powers which he will mature into, right now, he just gunna give you a little zap <3)

    Again, this is powermodding the other character's abilities. When making abilities, we are striving to make the characters as fair as possible. Being able to manipulate the other character's abilities and such can be considered highly unfair and can result in a lot of arguments. Although we do permit some abilities that powermods, these abilities are judged harshly. As a suggestion, only make abilities that affect your own character. Beyond that, the nature and description of this ability is incredibly vague that I do not see why this has been approved in the first place. There's no indication as to how blood lightning reaches the enemy (I am assuming it is telepathically), cooldowns, or severity of the explosion, or even if it can affect multiple enemies.

    Changing these abilities may be a better approach as there is a lack of lightning users currently on TB.


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:03 am

    *Changed weakness from conductor to not agile.
    *Removed Blood Lightning
    *Changed Electrical Production
    *Added shot limit
    *Added turn times of lightning
    *Added lightning speeds

    Note, he is solely a lightning user, a specialist per say. Not diverse with multiple abilities.


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by sLy on Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:20 pm

    I would say this seems alright now, unless another staff says otherwise.

    APPROVED


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by sLy on Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:51 pm

    EDIT:

    Approval revoked.

    Manipulating: Electrical energies that are non biological are capable of being controlled/manipulated. This includes natural and artificial energy. To control it, however, it has to be 'exposed' per say, or he has to have a way to get to the energy source. Energy cannot be ripped out through concrete or metal of a structure for example, unless an opening to the electrical system is available.

    Taking this into consideration, Shu can be capable of ripping power off the grid if he is near a powerplant and send a whole city into a blackout. You will need to make changes and ensure that it is clear that he cannot do this.

    Additionally, I have received word that you did not follow the changes which Lexia has discussed with you. Unless she is perfectly happy with it, I cannot officially approve the app. Note, a consensus with the staff team is required for characters to be approved, not just the opinion of one person. We are sorry for the inconvenience.


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Anonymous51 on Fri Nov 18, 2016 11:22 pm

    Bumpity Bump Bump


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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Cedric on Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:27 pm


    Alright, looks like you
    edited abilities:
    Special Abilities: This is his main way of defense and attack. To manipulate and create electric attacks. Abilities are as an adult if trained (parenthesis are current)
    Creating: His body has an internal storage of electricity, able to produce lightning bolts. He has 10 'shots' of lightning, and will remain that way until he recharges or sleeps/rests for an hour per shot to recharge. He cannot store more than 10 shots in his body. Before he can launch his attack, he must concentrate part of it out, causing himself to spark for a couple seconds before it is released. Lighting he creates is roughly twice as strong as an electric eel. Non-fatal unless weak to electricity. Energy explodes on non-conductive surfaces. (Currently has 2 charges, roughly equivalent to that of a taser, spark up is 5 seconds)
    Manipulating: Electrical energies that are non biological are capable of being controlled/manipulated. This includes natural and artificial energy. To control it, however, it has to be 'exposed' per say, or he has to have a way to get to the energy source. Energy cannot be ripped out through concrete or metal of a structure for example, unless an opening to the electrical system is available. Attacks from other lightning users can be controlled once they are withing 100 feet of him. Outside that range it becomes a 'wrestling' match for control over their attack. Max speed of the electrical attack is 120 mph, but this cannot be redirected . It can ONLY reach higher speeds to match his current speed, but it cannot exceed his current speed if above max launch speed [ex is if in dive, it can stay next to him, but cannot go faster and will slow as he does. Once launched, it will immediately slow down within limits] To be controlled/bent/arced, it must slow down. This will not be an instant process, and the slowest speed the electrical energy is 5 mph. Arcing the electrical at speeds of 30 mph take 3 seconds to do a 180 degree turn, and will be 100 feet away. [imagine being on a circle, lighting goes 180 degrees and ends on other side of circle). At 45 mph, it would take 7 seconds to do a 180 degree turns. Range is 600 feet before dropping off and no longer in control. Effective range increases with thunderstorms, but Shudaar cannot create them. (Currently cannot control it, just project it and absorb it to recharge. Range is 30ft as hatchling.)
    Like we asked, so go ahead.

    You're now approved.




    _________________________________________________________

    "It's not that I hate people. It's that I dislike people. There IS a difference, even if it's subtle. Just means that making friends is a bit harder for me. Speaking of which, Why's Allelujah's kingdom considered to be the darkest kingdom of all?


    Because he's got so many damn knights."

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    Re: Shudaar: Master of Lightning

    Post by Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Mon Oct 16, 2017 3:07 pm