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    Alysatríona

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    Alysatríona

    Post by Alysatríona on Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:42 pm

    -----------------------
      Personal Info:
      -----------------------
      Name: Alysatríona Lucinda Murciélago
      Nickname: Luci the Redeemer, Crimson Avenger
      Age: 20
      Gender: Female
      Sexuality: Bisexual
      Species: Human
      Alignment: Chaotic Good
      -----------------------
      Clan:
      -----------------------
      Clan: Uchiha
      Rank: Clan Head
      -----------------------
      Appearance:
      -----------------------
      Height: 5'11
      Skin/Fur/Scales, Etc.: Skin
      Eyes: Black/Red
      Looks:

    Seductive is definitely a good word to describe Alyssa’s overall appearance, having designed herself to induce attraction in both males and females. Everything to do with how she looks is important to her, wearing clothes that are more stylish and colorful. Due to her rather tall stature for a female, she is very noticeable in a crowd, much to her evident enjoyment, being the centre of attention, though that could be attributed to her various other 'attributes' also. Her manner of speaking is incredibly alluring and suggestive, a rather rich tone and drawn out syllables in addition to her uh... 'feisty' nature.

    Her features very hold an allusive charm to them, with perfectly smooth pale skin on a slender and curvaceous build with incredibly large breasts, the subject of many jealousies and admiration. Her eyes are colored a deep sea blue with a bright twinkle in it's depths, the twinkle of a youthful feeling, joy. Her usual expression is fixed into one of passive bliss, ignorant of all the troubles around her, in her own little peaceful world, which somehow adds to her beauty it seems. Her hair is a measure of her vain pride, being smooth silk to the touch and colored with the illustrious beauty snow, bright pink locks flowing like a pink waterfall. Her hair style has changed numerous times during her many years, starting during her younger years, at which time it was styled in a rather short bob framed around her face loosely. As she grew, she changed it to a flowing fall of water-like hair, falling lightly around her face and shoulders, which bounces around as if it were nothing but fluffy wool.

      ----------------------
      Specialties:
      ----------------------
      Hobbies/skills:


    • Reading


    • Traveling


    • Drinking


    • Training


    • Ninjutsu


    • Kenjutsu


    • Taijutsu


      Strengths:

    Uchiha Prodigy

    Alyssa is glaringly, obviously and super/unnaturally superior over her race because her capabilities are pushed beyond the natural level; making her immensely stronger, faster, durable and smarter than normal members of her species (in that 'verse) can achieve by any method of training and remain that way with little or no maintaining.

    Senju Prodigy

    The user can rapidly regenerate. In other words, they recreate lost or damaged tissues, organs and limbs, sometimes slowing, or even stopping, aging. The rate and amount of healing varies widely, some can regrow missing limbs, others must put the limb back in place for rapid regeneration. They are generally in very good physical shape as their bodies are constantly reverting to healthy state, granting them nigh-inexhaustible stamina and vitality.

    At higher levels, users can regenerate not just their cellular tissues, but also their DNA, undoing genetic mutations and breakdown, as well as maintaining one's youth by extending telomeres. This also gives them immunity to diseases and infections, undoing any unwanted symptoms, as well as provide a form of self-sustenance, forgoing the needs for oxygen and food intake. If advanced enough, the ability will cause the body to cease aging as the cells are regenerating and dying in equilibrium, granting immortality.

    Aylssa however hasn't master this as yet thus she is only able to regenerate lost limbs.

    Father's Skill, Mother's soul

    User has achieved the highest level of combat proficiency (armed and unarmed) and is capable of performing superhuman/supernatural feats beyond normal boundaries. Masters of this ability have achieved a state of inner peace and balance both mentally and physically. They have an unmatched spiritual force capable of defeating enemies only with their mere presence. Their combat skills are completely unrivaled by anyone who came before or who will come afterwards, making them one of the most powerful opponents and a force to be reckoned with.

      Weaknesses:

    Phobia

    You have an extreme fear of something. It can be anything, so long as it isn't too ridiculous.
    Explanation: You are unable to face your fear. Whenever it comes into play you are either paralyzed with fear, or flee. An example would be someone with arachnophobia running in terror from someone with spider magic. Aylssa has a fear of Moths.

    Healing

    This individual's body is resistant to medical based techniques. All forms of medical ninjutsu suffer a -1 when used on or by this individual. This ONLY applies to POSITIVE HEALING EFFECTS, not offensive medical techniques, this does no apply to her innate ability to heal

    Fuinjutsu

    Aylssa is incapable of performing fuinjutsu period. Though senju were pretty proficient with seals, this was something she did not get from her mother.

      Special abilities:

    Sharigan

    Alyssa's Sharingan:

    The Sharingan is not automatically activated in the user by birth. It is only first unlocked under some stressful or emotional condition after which the Sharingan may be used freely. The first of the Sharingan's powers is being able to see the chakra flow. The Sharingan can tell if a person is under a genjutsu. The Sharingan's second-most prominent ability grants the user an incredible clarity of perception, allowing them to easily recognize genjutsu and different forms of chakra, though not to the same extent as the Byakugan. This also allows the user to pick up on subtle details, enabling them to read lip movementsor mimic something like pencil movements. As the Sharingan evolves, gaining more tomoe seals, this ability extends to being able to track fast-moving objects before finally giving some amount of predictive capabilities to the user. However, even though the user may be able to see an attack or know it is coming, their body may not have time to react. The Sharingan's third and most well-known ability is that it grants the user the ability to memorize any technique that he or she witnesses, apart from other Kekkei Genkai techniques. The user can memorize ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu with near perfect accuracy, allowing the user to use the techniques as his own, or even modify them to create his own new techniques. In order to reproduce a copied jutsu, however, one must have the necessary skill or ability to perform them.

    - Power Within: The user can see Chakra Flow. (Passive)

    - Copycat: The user is able to copy physical moments of their targets. (Such as copining pencil movements, painting, or even handsigns.)

    - Extended Library: The user is able to memorize any jutsu they have ever seen. However, in order to replicate it, they must have the power and skill to execute it.... at least without hurting themselves.

    Eternal Mangekyō Sharigan

    Alyssa's Eternal Mangekyō Sharigan:


    A Mangekyō Sharingan is distinguished from a normal Sharingan by its appearance, which changes the form of the tomoe seal. The exact design differs for each user, though all resemble pinwheels. It is initially awakened by the trauma suffered from witnessing the death of someone close to the user. The Mangekyō Sharingan retains all of the Sharingan's generic abilities, such as casting genjutsu and the ability to distinguish chakra. In addition to these, the Mangekyō grants powerful abilities that differ from user to user. Aylssa had obtained the Eternal Mangekyo Sharigan by killing her rogue brother and transplanting his eyes.



    Rinnegan

    Alyssa's Rinnegan:

      Attacks:

    Katon:

    Fire Release: Great Fire Annihilation
    Fire Release: Great Fire Destruction
    Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique
    Fire Release: Great Flame Flower
    Fire Release: Hiding in Ash and Dust Technique
    Fire Release: Phoenix Sage Flower Nail Crimson
    Fire Release: Great Dragon Fire Technique
    Raiton:

    Chidori
    Chidori Current
    Chidori Senbon
    Chidori Sharp Spear
    Lightning Oppression Horizontal
    Lightning Oppression Horizontal Chop
    Lightning Release Chakra Mode
    Lightning Release: Lariat
    Lightning Straight
    Sharingan Techniques:
    Ninjutsu:

    Body Flicker
    Body Flicker: Lightning Variant
    Body Flicker: Fire Variant
    Substitution Technique
    Minds eye Kagura Technique
    Silent Killing
    Hiding with Camouflage
    Kenjutsu:

    Chakra Shockwave Slash
    Dancing Blade Risk
    Flash
    Iai Beheading
    Iaidō
    Samurai Sabre Technique
    Taijutsu:

    Drop Kick
    Elbow
    Guillotine Drop
    Iron Claw
    Liger Bomb
    Sharingan:

    Coercion Sharingan
    Demonic Illusion: Mirage Crow
    Demonic Illusion: Mirror Heaven and Earth Change
    Demonic Illusion: Shackling Stakes Technique
    Genjutsu: Sharingan
    EMS :

    Amaterasu
    Amaterasu: Flame Wrapping Fire
    Blaze Release: Kagutsuchi
    Blaze Release: Susanoo Kagutsuchi
    Blaze Release: Yasaka Magatama
    Susanoo
    Yasaka Magatama
    Rinnegan:

    Absorption Soul Technique
    Amenotejikara
    Animal Path
    Asura Attack
    Asura Path
    Banshō Ten'in
    Black Receiver
    Blocking Technique Absorption Seal
    Chakra Edible Creation
    Chibaku Tensei
    Demonic Statue Chains
    Deva Path
    Shinra Tensei
      Combat style: Aylssa is mainly a close combat blitzer. She tends to end fights as quickly as possible by overwhelming her opponents, though she can be stealthy and fight from range.
      ---------------------
      Personality:
      ---------------------
      Personality:

    No simple words can describe her uniqueness. No she was never called a prodigy, she was never at the top of her class, and she wasn't the special kid, she was just a mere child of the uchiha, unlike what other people prefer to think, her mother recognizes her capabilities, her level of Intelligence, and unlike anyone else, she can read  her like a book. She never was at the top simply because she didn't want to be there, she wasn't the main center of attention, and that was her doing as well. She's the lone wolf type, perhaps she can also be called the rebellious hero. She simply doesn't want to stand out, that's why, she avoids others, yes, she has friends, but It's more like three girls that want to help her and get along with her, although, she Is kind of a tsundere, acting like she doesn't care about others, when she truly does. She's a stand up girl that would gladly be there whenever you need her, she doesn't allow anyone to harm her loved ones, and extremely hates those that judge other people, she dislikes idiots that blame others blindly, such as blaming a clan for a single individual's mistake. She dislikes talking too much and doesn't mind helping others, her lone wolf attitude, changed her a little by adding laziness to her personality, she dislikes involving other in dangerous matters, and thus, she wishes to fight alone,  she doesn't see much good in the horrid world, and sometimes she feels like killing and destroying everything, but that feeling only comes when she's under the heavy pressure of depression, whenever she's angered, her blood lust overtakes her, which also results in her feeling like the world is her mere prey.

    She isn't the type to be angered easily, seeing heinous crimes, abuse of teammates/friends/allies, and acts of cruelty is what angers her to no end. Whenever she fights, she goes all out, but remains calm, not underestimating anyone, she may take It easy on those that she's sure of their limits, or those that she's certain they're weak, but only by past experience. She has moments where she'd like to sulk and pout cutely while not intending on doing so, but she still sounds like a tsundere. She is a little bit vengeful, she won't turn a blind eye to scumbags or those that hurt others, she considers all that stands in her way an enemy, survival of the fittest is a rule she dislikes very much but It's the truth of the shinobi world, the weak are to be devoured, she tries as hard as she can to stop that from happening. She never shares her emotions and acts playfully(rarely), and hides behind the mask of a joker(when she's asked about her emotions or about her past) her family was the victim of a murderous shinobi, they fell victim to her hands and while crimson survived, she felt the bitterness and anger of an avenger, she felt lethal, and decided to claim vengeance. She acts according to her gut, which is why she's titled rebellious alot. She has deep soul piercing eyes, she's also kind of a good bad girl.

    She trusts her capabilities and doesn't doubt herself, she stays calm with her piercing eyes almost all of the time. She doesn't mind helping others with their emotional troubles, and their life problems, however, If asked about her personal life, she dodges the question or avoids it, no, it's not an act of keeping distance, in fact she hopes to remove any distance between her and her friends, it's just that she refuses to bother others with her pains and troubles, she fights stubbornly, she never gives up or goes back on her promises, she never goes back on her word. Some of the phrases she uses: "Yippi-kay-ay, motherfucker" she says It calmly and with a sharp voice making It sound 'cooler' or more ''badass'', another one of her sentences Is "I'll bite you to death~."


    She also has her motto like some people do "No Pain No Gain" She speaks with a calm attractive voice, she's very protective of those she loves, and doesn't mind walking on needles while raining lava If It's for a friend, but still she hides her emotions. After the loss of her memory, her painful memories were swept into a dark hole alongside her happy memories and experiences, her personality, however remains. Untouched, except, now she sometimes feels emotionally numb, her ability to speak her language was also left untouched, aside from everything, her only memory is her being a shinobi. She also has the sadistic nature of her then comes along her anger, she can be complex, yet ever so simple, she doesn't care about the outer look as she believe It Is the inside that matters, she believes In her ''true'' friends, and dislikes showing her kindness, she'll definitely help those In need,  even it is not in her power, she'll still help, although she might act selfish but in complete honesty, she more selfless than anyone, she may beg and kneel for someone else, and hide her physical pain, or take hits willingly from someone she loves, but only, if it's  to protect them. Unlike normal girls her age, she tends to be attracted by those that are older than her, she enjoys fighting, and loves it, she dislikes having her fights interrupted, though, it'll seriously anger her, she remembers nothing of her real name that's why she calls herself by what the people around named her,  or more like nicknamed her, thanks to her blood red eyes with a beautiful vertical slit iris she's called crimson, describing the red moon of the vampires as crimson was mostly fitting for the appearance of her eyes, she's not the type to care about what she wears as long as its something comfy. She Isn't the type to betray her friends for any reason, unless it's for their sake, she might hold a grudge against those that harm her and her friends, but remains calm, hiding as a lone wolf within her mysterious aura. She also seems to be easily angered, however, she still remains calm, her rage is more like a "silent rage", It actually Is, but not anything could anger her that easily.


      Likes: Drinking, Training, Sweets, her lover
      Dislikes: Needless violence, Evil people, sour foods, puppets
      Fears: Dying without making the world a better place, Not finding a home for her clan
      ---------------------
      Family:
      ---------------------
      Parents: Hiroshima Uchiha (Deceased), Cinia Senju (Deceased)
      Mate:
      Offspring: N/A
      Relative: Akira Uchiha
      Brothers/sisters: Victor Uchiha (Killed by Aylssa)
      ---------------------
      History:

    Reality is merely an illusion, a stubborn illusion that clings to our existence, same is true for truth, truth is what one wants to see, denial is a mere way to force one's truth, changing a lie into truth, reality may be a mere lie that one can't hope to deny, perhaps humans embrace these lies to avoid conflict with fate's orders, perhaps, she was punished for defying fate, for soaring with her  wings, perhaps she was banished from fate's mercy for not obeying it, she was always a rebellious child, rebelling against the commands of living life the way she wants, saving those she thought were worthy of saving, and beating those she thought were worthy of crushing, she obeyed none, she'd spread her wings and soar the high sky, not the sky not the space, nothing was a boundary to her. She denied all the truths, all the lies, and wrote her life detailing it word by word, and letter by the other. She always had a free rebellious spirit he never listens to what others say, and barely cares about what others say, it's in truth a way to prove her existence and to gain attention, nowadays uchiha clansmen are treated as if they're tailed beasts, feared for the power they hold in their eyes, and for the reputation they had gained over the past years, although dark,calm, and quite, and he never talks much, she still remains rebellious, she'd act according to her gut, without saying a word, or explaining her actions,violence? it was just another way to punish those she saw as scum, and extreme violence if one is to be honest. Kindness? sure, she was always a kind and gentle girl, but she'd never show it, whenever asked about herself dodging the question was the best way to avoid bothering people with her troubles, she was born from a mighty kind uchiha, and from a gentle,loving and caring Senju, she was the offspring of a couple made up of two clans that battled one another for generations.
    Violence

    Cuts, gashes, scars, her body had many graduating from academy at the very age of six, when she exposed her face and her real talent, she was hiding both to avoid attention in class, if she did gain attention she'd be bullied more and she'd have to destroy more, at least that's what she thought, after graduating and shocking her parents a little with the results, she started accompanying her parents in missions that were obviously out of her league, still she would always prove herself a dangerous thorn in the enemies sides. The once rebellious child proved herself a tough genin but to her being a genin meant nothing, a genin or a D-Ranked shinobi means nothing in the face of an SS-Ranked shinobi, and that's how strong she want's to be, and so she took her father’s advice to heart, her father's advice was:
    “Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.”

    She truly took it to heart, and embraced it as a truth to believe, her father's words that is.  Although she never thought it would ever happen, it happened, it never occurred to her that, they  might die..Her family that is, her older brother, her younger cousin, and her mother and father. The hawk's first experience with the cruelty of their world.

    An attack struck Amegakure, buildings crashed, the earth shook ever so strongly, the stench of death filled the air, and the scene of the people running for their lives terrorized her heart, her family had a duty, and that was to protect their village. Drifting apart from her brother in the huge panicking crowd, she was lost, he tried looking for her older brother but no can do, she was lost, still she never stopped looking for her, but the enemies were far to devious for the peoples comprehension, the people ran in panic pushing aside whoever was in their way, selfishness and gore at it's finest, the people were acting selfishly instead of assisting one another, they wanted survival, being angered by the actions of the people she started running around and kicking everyone and punching them as much as she can, he yelled at the top of her lungs "instead of assisting each other, you push your neighbors selfishly, COWARDS" perhaps that was the punch they needed to wake up from the darkness within them, a punch in the core of their hearts, her dark aura intimidated all of the weak villagers she was a raging beast, she looked at them with eyes filled with rage and despair and realized her sister was still gone, he then left the cowards to fend for themselves as he went to look for her, and then she finally found her, he was protecting a child that was being bullied by three bandits that wanted to push her off from the mountain into the deep raging ocean.


    She ran towards them like a rage-full demon that wanted nothing but their destruction, he destroyed them in mere five minutes, they were weak, they were in the same level as her. The young uchiha girl took hold of her brother’s hand, but one of the scum bag had planted a paper bomb seal beneath the young uchiha, and as he realized it, he threw her sister ten meters away with a tough throw that he performed as hard as he can, he then stepped back a half step but it was too lat.

    She fell into the ocean sinking to the depths of the unknown, she abandoned all hope the explosion struck her body roughly, It was difficult and painful to even twitch, she crossed her arms as her consciousness faded into oblivion, the dreams she had, the happiness she enjoyed fleeted like a sakura petal dancing with the gentle breeze, she knew it all along, their day would damage her for eternity, and it appears that it had ended her life. The crimson eyed girl of the uchiha fell a victim to the deep blue ocean, and gave up, perhaps she was not capable of defying fate, he was weak, he knew that and yet, he still defied fate. There was mesmerizing for her, the only truth no one can deny no matter how much they try to, is death. It surrounds us, it ends us, it controls us, and rules every living being, The young girl drifted from the happy life of her into the cold deep sad ocean of despair, but she was not to die, she defied fate and nature, perhaps it was a blessing, or is it a curse? One could only hope to know.

    Lost in the ocean of despair and blue, the girl drifted into the shore of a certain village, wet from the ocean that carried her all the way here it seemed like a miracle, she remained in a comma in the ocean for years, only to end up on the shore, the loss of his loved one's was no longer a problem, his memory, however, was. A beautiful girl by the name of Alice found the girl lying cold and wet on the shoreline, she woke her up and treated her to the best of her capabilities, and asked her her name, she, however, knew not what to answer, all he remembers was his fighting capabilities, and how to speak. the girl seemed dazzled by the color of his eyes that when she answered her "I....don't know.." she knew then right away, it was amnesia that had struck this child of the uchiha clan, and she spoke deciding a name for her in reply to her saying "I get it. Why don't we name you crimson, by the color of your eyes!" a moment of silence froze the air as she spoke in reply to the name she gave her saying "Crimson?...I like it" she truly did, and thus, his new life began, he might not have any memories of the past, but that means nothing when he can make more, which was fine with her, but still isolation, loneliness, and sorrow remained in his heart. The sadistic gentle demon is now her, Crimson.

    With darkness, hatred, pain, and despair within, and with hope, love, and light within, she shall become the ultimate shinobi and free the world of the curse of conflict, for some reason, hse always hated conflicts, this must've been a lost part of his past that still stings her broken heart, she lived hell for a day, and lived death for years, she now knows nothing of herself or of her truth, she's been covered in the black flames of fate's harshness, the black flames, she'll soon acquire, acquire and punish the wretched and the unworthy, and to her, all scum and murderers are unworthy. And with her flames, she shall protect the worthy.

    Alyssa had grown into a powerful individual by the time she was 16. She had found out that her brother was infact amongst those who had caused the revolt in her village which caused the death of most of her family members, and she had spent most of four years hunting down the man responsible and when she had finally found him an unholy wrath was bestowed upon him, this was where she had unlocked her Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan after implanting his eyes into her. She had then gathered all the remaining Uchiha that were scattered throughout the world and decided it was time they had recreated a home for themselves and others, a world that was peaceful and without war or hatred and thus with the help of her cousin Akira she would look to find a place for their own and also try to bring world peace.


      ---------------------
      RP paragraph:

    RP Sample:


    The pitch-black sky had just bestowed upon The LeVian Empire, and the moon was nowhere to be seen due to the vast number of grey clouds that invaded the sky on that day. In a couple a seconds, a lightning took down the silence and warned those beneath that a rain was about to occur. Alyssa alongside the three other LeVian Noble Knight had just arrived before this towering building which once had the purpose of serving as temple for some old and lost religion. Even if, the building was surrounded by a vast forest, the moonlight still managed to pierce a few rays between the thick clouds, illuminating this majestic structure which now had a different kind of purpose. Green moss began to grow around the supporting stones on which the building was build upon, overall it looked like an abandoned and old structure. Its perimeter was also surrounded by a medium-sized wall with a thickness of 30 inches at least, although it was quite old and it gave only a little amount of defense.

    Aya was affiliated with the band of rogues which recently just took over the area; also the role which she played represented a key part within their plan. The young Kitsune was placed in charge of their tactical division due to her analytical mind which was capable of supporting them with different kind of strategies that were beneficial for their fighting style. Whenever it came to devising up new strategies, Aya would propose different kind of battle formations while also dividing up the members upon certain factors. Those who were sturdy and capable of showing proficiency within close combat were obviously chosen to sit in the front row, while the medical division was placed in the back in order to support them in combat. However, knowing that there might be the risk of getting flanked or attacked from behind, Aya has also assigned a special squad with the sole purpose of combating such acts. After the Empire had mercilessly swept down and crushed the rogues who had the audacity to try and commandeer their lands, Aya and a few others were subsequently captured and taken hostage. At first the LeVian Commander had made plans to execute them all but Alyssa had intervened, not only because she had found out that majority were fellow Kitsunes like herself but she had also see the promise that the young people had held and had decided to recruit them.

    A couple of hard steel gates were placed with the purpose of encasing the building completely within those walls; only two knights were in charge of the mechanism at a time, and both of them were lingering above them as keepers. Once the group was located at a distance of approximately two meters away from the gates, and after the appropriate signal was formed; the doors were hissed open in order to clear their path inside. Quivering and screeching was the sound that resonated from the mechanics, clearly indicating the doors were quite old in age. Small particles of dust began to swirl forth while the leaves were savagely blown away in the process. Everything in this place had an eerie vibe; even the air seemed quite thick and uneasy, as it was overwhelming the novice and apprentice knights completely with its simple presence.

    Despite that the place looked abandoned from a distance, in reality it was heavily guarded by a hefty number of skilled knights. Those who were acting as guards were equipped with a communication device that was plugged within their ear in case there was an unexpected attack and the word needed to travel rather quickly. On top of this, the organization also had a number of knights that were skilled in sensory techniques, and around the temple there was a small sensory barrier which had the purpose of alerting those who maintained it, if someone had to courage to barge inside their base without any kind of permission. The barrier was rather simple and could be maintained be three knights at a time, also its shape was similar to a dome-like barrier which covered only the building and not the wall which stood around it. Almost all of the members of this organization were already above the threshold of adulthood, which meant that they were at least eighteen years of age.

    Having finally arrived inside their base of operations Alyssa let out a small sigh of relief when she was finally able to throw her weight unto a nearby chair. She had no idea why rogues were hell-bent on trying to capture the land which was held by The LeVian Empire for more than three millennia but there was no way in hell she would allow a bunch of power hungry hooligans trample on the lands that she had her ancestors had sworn to protect. Slumping back into in the chair, Alyssa would begin to rub her temples as her golden hues scanned the maps that lay scattered all over the table. They had already managed to take down most the threats and their war was almost over, which was a relief seeing that Alyssa always hated violence but in the end these people didn’t want to listen to reason or compromise and so unfortunately they had been wiped out of existence, which was a pity after all a life was a precious thing no matter how the person had lived it. “Lady Alyssa.” A soft voice rung out from behind the wooden closed doors. “It seems as if the leader of the remanding Rogues wants to surrender and wishes for an audience with you and is currently waiting with Commander Aya in the meeting room.” Alyssa was more than pleased with this turn of events, no more fighting means no more loss of lives for her and the rogues. “Thank you for that bringing such good news, I’ll be there shortly.” She replied tiredly to the messenger behind the door. Slowly getting up to her feet Alyssa quickly made herself presentable and made her way to meet this man.


    _________________________________________________________

    avatar
    Yuuki
    Technician
    Dragon Storm's Leader
    Technician  Dragon Storm's Leader

    Status :
    Online
    Offline

    Female Posts : 310
    Reputation : 2
    Age : 15

    Character sheet
    Character Name: Yuuki
    Species: Human
    Alignment : True Neutral

    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Yuuki on Fri Jan 22, 2016 12:32 am

    OK, there are lots of things wrong, but for now, I'm only saying one thing.

    You are an Uchiha. Your last name should be Uchiha. Your first name should be Japanese because the Narutoverse is a Japanese-styled place. You sound much too foreign. Hence my character's namr, Yuuki Hatake.

    Second. You are an UCHIHA. Uchihas' generic appearance contains BLACK hair, and DARK eyes, not...  bright pink like Sakura or blue like Naruto.

    Third, it shouldn't even be possible to have a Rinnega, since you're not part of the Otsutsuki Clan, nor did you get it transplante from somewhere... another way to get it is to infuse yourself with the sage of six paths' sons' chakra. And you cant exactly do that either...

    You've created a Mary Sue. That's the sum of it.


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    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Bermuda on Fri Jan 22, 2016 5:13 am

    Yuuki, I don't think you should judge someone on the lore of Naruto. This isn't a Naruto site. They can have whatever Naruto-y powers they want.

    You should judge them on how strong and overpowered these abilities are compared to our power standard.

    Now, saying that, I have no idea how these Naruto powahs work, so I couldn't properly grade this app anyway .3.


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    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Seraphim on Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:03 am

    I do agree that there could be a few things wrong with it, but look at the difference between this and Akreious. Akre has reached far beyond that of the SSJSSJ2 God status and people have approved him, his history does not cover all of his events of how a Saiyan received its powers from the start. One of the things I love about histories is that you can explain how you obtained those powers, whether it was a gift or even a struggle, histories can back up the powers themselves, just to give one an idea how its obtainable if its available or how a character operates with it via. uses it.
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    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Alysatríona on Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:41 am

    @Yuuki wrote:OK, there are lots of things wrong, but for now, I'm only saying one thing.

    You are an Uchiha. Your last name should be Uchiha. Your first name should be Japanese because the Narutoverse is a Japanese-styled place. You sound much too foreign. Hence my character's namr, Yuuki Hatake.

    Second. You are an UCHIHA. Uchihas' generic appearance contains BLACK hair, and DARK eyes, not...  bright pink like Sakura or blue like Naruto.

    Third, it shouldn't even be possible to have a Rinnega, since you're not part of the Otsutsuki Clan, nor did you get it transplante from somewhere... another way to get it is to infuse yourself with the sage of six paths' sons' chakra. And you cant exactly do that either...

    You've created a Mary Sue. That's the sum of it.

    As Jana said this isn’t a Naruto site, nor are there any rules that stipulates that I must take the last name of the clan or have a foreign name and matter with the hair color is simply a typo due to my inability to settle with a face claim.

    The Rinnegan is debatably. You don’t have to be apart of the Otsutsuki or get the sage’s chakra to gain the Rinnegan. As stated in the application the character’s mother is Senju and the father is an Uchiha, Senju DNA+ Uchiha DNA= Rinnegan which is the general conception with Madara fusing his DNA with Hashirama. If there is an issue with me actually having the Rinnegan I have no qualms about getting rid of it.

    And if this character is the equivalent of a Mary Sue (which I disagree and find insulting as this character is in no way shape or form perfect.) then what Seraphim had stated about that character which has a Particle Saiyan mode, which does not even exist in any DBZ lore, must be the God of which my Mary Sue character worships.

    Again I have no issues with any mod telling me what should be removed from my app as balance is required on any site but I prefer to be judged equally.


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    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Yuuki on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:51 am

    OK, I admit I overreacted XD. I'm sorry, it was the middle of the night for me, and ibqas tired, yet I refused to go to sleep, because I'm too addicted to my phone


    But about the Senju chakra part. What exactlt is its weakness? If she's going to be able to master the DN regeneration, how will people be able to stop her? I also don't understand the father's son, mother's skill. So you're saying she can defeat people with her mere presence? What is its weakness? Is she able to obtain this form immediately? Does it shorten her lifespan? With something that powerful, you should put some kind of limiter on there. But what if it's like conqueror's haki, where it can take out the weak-willed, but not the strong?


    And the clan thing? That actually means what guild you're part of, and your guild rank. The guilds are all in the legend. We need to change that on the character sheet...


    Well, Imma just leave it at this because In hate typing on my phone and stupid autocorrect doesn't even work properly.


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    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Jaks on Fri Jan 22, 2016 10:45 am

    I would say cute down one the powers. Pick a favorite from each category, because all of them together are too OP. I'm not going to dig into Naruto lore (god, that anime is too long!), but as a moderator too lazy to get onto their main account I will critique you. Appearances seem fine, as I said, pink one power from each of your spoiler box thingies, add some more weaknesses, also with the healing and eye thingies, I think there should be some sort of sacrifice to go along with using this power, like shorter life span, or something. For example...

    My character Asriel, from undertale (game), has to either sacrifice another's soul of his own soul to obtain a form that he can properly battle in. The more he sacrifices his own soul, the closer he reaches to death.

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    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Bermuda on Fri Jan 22, 2016 1:48 pm

    @Alysatríona wrote:-----------------------
      Personal Info:
      -----------------------
      Name: Alysatríona Lucinda Murciélago
      Nickname: Luci the Redeemer, Crimson Avenger
      Age: 20
      Gender: Female
      Sexuality: Bisexual
      Species: Human
      Alignment: Chaotic Good
      -----------------------
      Clan:
      -----------------------
      Clan: Uchiha  Just be aware that clan and rank mean what one of the five guilds you're a part of: Theta's Outcasts, Dragon Storm, Shadow Raiders, Draconia, or War Akuma. Same for rank.
      Rank: Clan Head
      -----------------------
      Appearance:
      -----------------------
      Height: 5'11
      Skin/Fur/Scales, Etc.: Skin
      Eyes: Black/Red
      Looks:

    Seductive is definitely a good word to describe Alyssa’s overall appearance, having designed herself to induce attraction in both males and females. Everything to do with how she looks is important to her, wearing clothes that are more stylish and colorful. Due to her rather tall stature for a female, she is very noticeable in a crowd, much to her evident enjoyment, being the centre of attention, though that could be attributed to her various other 'attributes' also. Her manner of speaking is incredibly alluring and suggestive, a rather rich tone and drawn out syllables in addition to her uh... 'feisty' nature.

    Her features very hold an allusive charm to them, with perfectly smooth pale skin on a slender and curvaceous build with incredibly large breasts, the subject of many jealousies and admiration. Her eyes are colored a deep sea blue with a bright twinkle in it's depths, the twinkle of a youthful feeling, joy. Her usual expression is fixed into one of passive bliss, ignorant of all the troubles around her, in her own little peaceful world, which somehow adds to her beauty it seems. Her hair is a measure of her vain pride, being smooth silk to the touch and colored with the illustrious beauty snow, bright pink locks flowing like a pink waterfall. Her hair style has changed numerous times during her many years, starting during her younger years, at which time it was styled in a rather short bob framed around her face loosely. As she grew, she changed it to a flowing fall of water-like hair, falling lightly around her face and shoulders, which bounces around as if it were nothing but fluffy wool. This isn't really something I care about, but saying you're unnaturally beautiful would be a strength in its own. This is fine, but it would have to directly link to your main powers, which I don't really see it doing. Normal, again, I don't care about appearances, but this, combined with everything else, is, I will admit, mary-suish.
      ----------------------
      Specialties:
      ----------------------
      Hobbies/skills:


    • Reading


    • Traveling


    • Drinking


    • Training


    • Ninjutsu


    • Kenjutsu


    • Taijutsu


      Strengths:

    Uchiha Prodigy

    Alyssa is glaringly, obviously and super/unnaturally superior over her race because her capabilities are pushed beyond the natural level; making her immensely stronger, faster, durable and smarter than normal members of her species (in that 'verse) can achieve by any method of training and remain that way with little or no maintaining. Is there a limit to this? Superior can mean a lot of things. Also, it is unfair to be incredibly skilled in all aspects. For example, Yuuki is a ninja, but her skills are increased in speed, and while she can be deductive and cunning, she is not overall amazing. Maybe just chose one skill to be exceptionally good at?

    Senju Prodigy

    The user can rapidly regenerate. In other words, they recreate lost or damaged tissues, organs and limbs, sometimes slowing, or even stopping, aging. The rate and amount of healing varies widely, some can regrow missing limbs, others must put the limb back in place for rapid regeneration. They are generally in very good physical shape as their bodies are constantly reverting to healthy state, granting them nigh-inexhaustible stamina and vitality.

    At higher levels, users can regenerate not just their cellular tissues, but also their DNA, undoing genetic mutations and breakdown, as well as maintaining one's youth by extending telomeres. This also gives them immunity to diseases and infections, undoing any unwanted symptoms, as well as provide a form of self-sustenance, forgoing the needs for oxygen and food intake. If advanced enough, the ability will cause the body to cease aging as the cells are regenerating and dying in equilibrium, granting immortality.

    Aylssa however hasn't master this as yet thus she is only able to regenerate lost limbs. You say this as if you will be, in the future, of which I'm worried about. Regeneration is a very tricky subject, and I would like to have a specific time on how long the regeneration would take, and if you could heal in battle, also, if there is any way an enemy could stop the regeneration. Like, does the regeneration run through chakra, and if the opponent were to block her chakra, would her regeneration stop? Also, how many limbs? As in just an arm or leg?

    Father's Skill, Mother's soul

    User has achieved the highest level of combat proficiency (armed and unarmed) and is capable of performing superhuman/supernatural feats beyond normal boundaries. Masters of this ability have achieved a state of inner peace and balance both mentally and physically. They have an unmatched spiritual force capable of defeating enemies only with their mere presence. Their combat skills are completely unrivaled by anyone who came before or who will come afterwards, making them one of the most powerful opponents and a force to be reckoned with. Obvious op is obvious. Again, like with many abilities, the ability to frighten enemies away would be fine, if that was one of your major abilities. As in, say, you were a monstrous black beast, that emitted an aura that would scare away some, weaker enemies, or something. Also, this is basically saying that anyone they fought, they could defeat. I highly doubt you'd be saying that when you fought godzilla, or one of the three gods and goddesses on this site. I would highly suggest you simply remove this ability. It's fine if you have spiritual enlightenment, but saying you are superior to many creatures

      Weaknesses:

    Phobia

    You have an extreme fear of something. It can be anything, so long as it isn't too ridiculous.
    Explanation: You are unable to face your fear. Whenever it comes into play you are either paralyzed with fear, or flee. An example would be someone with arachnophobia running in terror from someone with spider magic. Aylssa has a fear of Moths. Fears are listed in the fear section. We have that for a reason. This has absolutely no need to be here .3.

    Healing

    This individual's body is resistant to medical based techniques. All forms of medical ninjutsu suffer a -1 when used on or by this individual. This ONLY applies to POSITIVE HEALING EFFECTS, not offensive medical techniques, this does no apply to her innate ability to heal "So, liike, she can't be healed by healing magic? There are many other kinds of medical aid aside from magic ninja healing. Plus, again, this is void if she has regeneration, since she could just regenerate from any healing anyway. SO, like with the phobia, this isn't really a weakness.

    Fuinjutsu

    Aylssa is incapable of performing fuinjutsu period. Though senju were pretty proficient with seals, this was something she did not get from her mother. ... This is not a weakness. There are millions of characters on this site without this ability, and who would never be able to perform it, either. I have never watched Naruto in my life, and dunno if this is some kind of key object that ninjas need or whatever, but this is not a weakness, and if she did have this, it would just add to your op.

      Special abilities:

    Sharigan

    Alyssa's Sharingan:

    The Sharingan is not automatically activated in the user by birth. It is only first unlocked under some stressful or emotional condition after which the Sharingan may be used freely. The first of the Sharingan's powers is being able to see the chakra flow. The Sharingan can tell if a person is under a genjutsu. The Sharingan's second-most prominent ability grants the user an incredible clarity of perception, allowing them to easily recognize genjutsu and different forms of chakra, though not to the same extent as the Byakugan. This also allows the user to pick up on subtle details, enabling them to read lip movementsor mimic something like pencil movements. As the Sharingan evolves, gaining more tomoe seals, this ability extends to being able to track fast-moving objects before finally giving some amount of predictive capabilities to the user. However, even though the user may be able to see an attack or know it is coming, their body may not have time to react. The Sharingan's third and most well-known ability is that it grants the user the ability to memorize any technique that he or she witnesses, apart from other Kekkei Genkai techniques. The user can memorize ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu with near perfect accuracy, allowing the user to use the techniques as his own, or even modify them to create his own new techniques. In order to reproduce a copied jutsu, however, one must have the necessary skill or ability to perform them.

    - Power Within: The user can see Chakra Flow. (Passive)

    - Copycat: The user is able to copy physical moments of their targets. (Such as copining pencil movements, painting, or even handsigns.)how would this work in combat? Would she be able to copy all of the enemy's moves?

    - Extended Library: The user is able to memorize any jutsu they have ever seen. However, in order to replicate it, they must have the power and skill to execute it.... at least without hurting themselves.You don't have to take this out, because it will rarely come in, but just a little note of advice. I'm pretty sure the only other ninja(s) on here is Yuuki, and maybe Seika, but I can't remember. So this power won't really work on anyone else. Just a little tip.

    Eternal Mangekyō Sharigan

    Alyssa's Eternal Mangekyō Sharigan:


    A Mangekyō Sharingan is distinguished from a normal Sharingan by its appearance, which changes the form of the tomoe seal. The exact design differs for each user, though all resemble pinwheels. It is initially awakened by the trauma suffered from witnessing the death of someone close to the user. The Mangekyō Sharingan retains all of the Sharingan's generic abilities, such as casting genjutsu and the ability to distinguish chakra. In addition to these, the Mangekyō grants powerful abilities that differ from user to user. Aylssa had obtained the Eternal Mangekyo Sharigan by killing her rogue brother and transplanting his eyes. ... I am not a Naruto fan. This is all gibberish to me. But what exactly do you mean by poweful abilities? This could mean literally anything. And by killing someone and transplanting their eye? Does this mean you could take others abilities? Killing people in the first case would be very difficult, but I do think this is an op powah...



    Rinnegan

    Alyssa's Rinnegan:

      Attacks:

    Katon:

    Fire Release: Great Fire Annihilation
    Fire Release: Great Fire Destruction
    Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique
    Fire Release: Great Flame Flower
    Fire Release: Hiding in Ash and Dust Technique
    Fire Release: Phoenix Sage Flower Nail Crimson
    Fire Release: Great Dragon Fire Technique
    Raiton:

    Chidori
    Chidori Current
    Chidori Senbon
    Chidori Sharp Spear
    Lightning Oppression Horizontal
    Lightning Oppression Horizontal Chop
    Lightning Release Chakra Mode
    Lightning Release: Lariat
    Lightning Straight
    Sharingan Techniques:
    Ninjutsu:

    Body Flicker
    Body Flicker: Lightning Variant
    Body Flicker: Fire Variant
    Substitution Technique
    Minds eye Kagura Technique
    Silent Killing
    Hiding with Camouflage
    Kenjutsu:

    Chakra Shockwave Slash
    Dancing Blade Risk
    Flash
    Iai Beheading
    Iaidō
    Samurai Sabre Technique
    Taijutsu:

    Drop Kick
    Elbow
    Guillotine Drop
    Iron Claw
    Liger Bomb
    Sharingan:

    Coercion Sharingan
    Demonic Illusion: Mirage Crow
    Demonic Illusion: Mirror Heaven and Earth Change
    Demonic Illusion: Shackling Stakes Technique
    Genjutsu: Sharingan
    EMS :

    Amaterasu
    Amaterasu: Flame Wrapping Fire
    Blaze Release: Kagutsuchi
    Blaze Release: Susanoo Kagutsuchi
    Blaze Release: Yasaka Magatama
    Susanoo
    Yasaka Magatama
    Rinnegan:

    Absorption Soul Technique
    Amenotejikara
    Animal Path
    Asura Attack
    Asura Path
    Banshō Ten'in
    Black Receiver
    Blocking Technique Absorption Seal
    Chakra Edible Creation
    Chibaku Tensei
    Demonic Statue Chains
    Deva Path
    Shinra Tensei
      Combat style: Aylssa is mainly a close combat blitzer. She tends to end fights as quickly as possible by overwhelming her opponents, though she can be stealthy and fight from range.
      ---------------------
      Personality:
      ---------------------
      Personality:

    No simple words can describe her uniqueness. No she was never called a prodigy, she was never at the top of her class, and she wasn't the special kid, she was just a mere child of the uchiha, unlike what other people prefer to think, her mother recognizes her capabilities, her level of Intelligence, and unlike anyone else, she can read  her like a book.This literally contradicts what you said earlier, about her being a prodigy XD Not complaining, but it does seem a little silly Razz She never was at the top simply because she didn't want to be there, she wasn't the main center of attention, and that was her doing as well. She's the lone wolf type, perhaps she can also be called the rebellious hero. She simply doesn't want to stand out, that's why, she avoids others, yes, she has friends, but It's more like three girls that want to help her and get along with her, although, she Is kind of a tsundere, acting like she doesn't care about others, when she truly does. She's a stand up girl that would gladly be there whenever you need her, she doesn't allow anyone to harm her loved ones, and extremely hates those that judge other people, she dislikes idiots that blame others blindly, such as blaming a clan for a single individual's mistake. She dislikes talking too much and doesn't mind helping others, her lone wolf attitude, changed her a little by adding laziness to her personality, she dislikes involving other in dangerous matters, and thus, she wishes to fight alone,  she doesn't see much good in the horrid world, and sometimes she feels like killing and destroying everything, but that feeling only comes when she's under the heavy pressure of depression, whenever she's angered, her blood lust overtakes her, which also results in her feeling like the world is her mere prey.

    She isn't the type to be angered easily, seeing heinous crimes, abuse of teammates/friends/allies, and acts of cruelty is what angers her to no end. Whenever she fights, she goes all out, but remains calm, not underestimating anyone, she may take It easy on those that she's sure of their limits, or those that she's certain they're weak, but only by past experience. She has moments where she'd like to sulk and pout cutely while not intending on doing so, but she still sounds like a tsundere. She is a little bit vengeful, she won't turn a blind eye to scumbags or those that hurt others, she considers all that stands in her way an enemy, survival of the fittest is a rule she dislikes very much but It's the truth of the shinobi world, the weak are to be devoured, she tries as hard as she can to stop that from happening. She never shares her emotions and acts playfully(rarely), and hides behind the mask of a joker(when she's asked about her emotions or about her past) her family was the victim of a murderous shinobi, they fell victim to her hands and while crimson survived, she felt the bitterness and anger of an avenger, she felt lethal, and decided to claim vengeance. She acts according to her gut, which is why she's titled rebellious alot. She has deep soul piercing eyes, she's also kind of a good bad girl.

    She trusts her capabilities and doesn't doubt herself, she stays calm with her piercing eyes almost all of the time. She doesn't mind helping others with their emotional troubles, and their life problems, however, If asked about her personal life, she dodges the question or avoids it, no, it's not an act of keeping distance, in fact she hopes to remove any distance between her and her friends, it's just that she refuses to bother others with her pains and troubles, she fights stubbornly, she never gives up or goes back on her promises, she never goes back on her word. Some of the phrases she uses: "Yippi-kay-ay, motherfucker" she says It calmly and with a sharp voice making It sound 'cooler' or more ''badass'', another one of her sentences Is "I'll bite you to death~."


    She also has her motto like some people do "No Pain No Gain" She speaks with a calm attractive voice, she's very protective of those she loves, and doesn't mind walking on needles while raining lava If It's for a friend, but still she hides her emotions. After the loss of her memory, her painful memories were swept into a dark hole alongside her happy memories and experiences, her personality, however remains. Untouched, except, now she sometimes feels emotionally numb, her ability to speak her language was also left untouched, aside from everything, her only memory is her being a shinobi. She also has the sadistic nature of her then comes along her anger, she can be complex, yet ever so simple, she doesn't care about the outer look as she believe It Is the inside that matters, she believes In her ''true'' friends, and dislikes showing her kindness, she'll definitely help those In need,  even it is not in her power, she'll still help, although she might act selfish but in complete honesty, she more selfless than anyone, she may beg and kneel for someone else, and hide her physical pain, or take hits willingly from someone she loves, but only, if it's  to protect them. Unlike normal girls her age, she tends to be attracted by those that are older than her, she enjoys fighting, and loves it, she dislikes having her fights interrupted, though, it'll seriously anger her, she remembers nothing of her real name that's why she calls herself by what the people around named her,  or more like nicknamed her, thanks to her blood red eyes with a beautiful vertical slit iris she's called crimson, describing the red moon of the vampires as crimson was mostly fitting for the appearance of her eyes, she's not the type to care about what she wears as long as its something comfy. She Isn't the type to betray her friends for any reason, unless it's for their sake, she might hold a grudge against those that harm her and her friends, but remains calm, hiding as a lone wolf within her mysterious aura. She also seems to be easily angered, however, she still remains calm, her rage is more like a "silent rage", It actually Is, but not anything could anger her that easily.

    Your personality is fine, but that's only really because I don't care much about the personality >.> You also say she is beautiful, very smart, incredibly skilled, unmatched by anyone.... and are you sure this isn't a mary sue? Also, this character is very contradictary, even if you try to conceal it over a variety of words. Sorry 030
      Likes: Drinking, Training, Sweets, her lover
      Dislikes: Needless violence, Evil people, sour foods, puppets
      Fears: Dying without making the world a better place, Not finding a home for her clan.
    Don't forget she also has a fear of moths :3
    ---------------------
      Family:
      ---------------------
      Parents: Hiroshima Uchiha (Deceased), Cinia Senju (Deceased)
      Mate:
      Offspring: N/A
      Relative: Akira Uchiha
      Brothers/sisters: Victor Uchiha (Killed by Aylssa)
      ---------------------
      History:

    Reality is merely an illusion, a stubborn illusion that clings to our existence, same is true for truth, truth is what one wants to see, denial is a mere way to force one's truth, changing a lie into truth, reality may be a mere lie that one can't hope to deny, perhaps humans embrace these lies to avoid conflict with fate's orders, perhaps, she was punished for defying fate, for soaring with her  wings, perhaps she was banished from fate's mercy for not obeying it, she was always a rebellious child, rebelling against the commands of living life the way she wants, saving those she thought were worthy of saving, and beating those she thought were worthy of crushing, she obeyed none, she'd spread her wings and soar the high sky, not the sky not the space, nothing was a boundary to her. She denied all the truths, all the lies, and wrote her life detailing it word by word, and letter by the other. She always had a free rebellious spirit he never listens to what others say, and barely cares about what others say, it's in truth a way to prove her existence and to gain attention, nowadays uchiha clansmen are treated as if they're tailed beasts, feared for the power they hold in their eyes, and for the reputation they had gained over the past years, although dark,calm, and quite, and he never talks much, she still remains rebellious, she'd act according to her gut, without saying a word, or explaining her actions,violence? it was just another way to punish those she saw as scum, and extreme violence if one is to be honest. Kindness? sure, she was always a kind and gentle girl, but she'd never show it, whenever asked about herself dodging the question was the best way to avoid bothering people with her troubles, she was born from a mighty kind uchiha, and from a gentle,loving and caring Senju, she was the offspring of a couple made up of two clans that battled one another for generations.
    Violence

    Cuts, gashes, scars, her body had many graduating from academy at the very age of six, when she exposed her face and her real talent, she was hiding both to avoid attention in class, if she did gain attention she'd be bullied more and she'd have to destroy more, at least that's what she thought, after graduating and shocking her parents a little with the results, she started accompanying her parents in missions that were obviously out of her league, still she would always prove herself a dangerous thorn in the enemies sides. The once rebellious child proved herself a tough genin but to her being a genin meant nothing, a genin or a D-Ranked shinobi means nothing in the face of an SS-Ranked shinobi, and that's how strong she want's to be, and so she took her father’s advice to heart, her father's advice was:
    “Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.”

    She truly took it to heart, and embraced it as a truth to believe, her father's words that is.  Although she never thought it would ever happen, it happened, it never occurred to her that, they  might die..Her family that is, her older brother, her younger cousin, and her mother and father. The hawk's first experience with the cruelty of their world.

    An attack struck Amegakure, buildings crashed, the earth shook ever so strongly, the stench of death filled the air, and the scene of the people running for their lives terrorized her heart, her family had a duty, and that was to protect their village. Drifting apart from her brother in the huge panicking crowd, she was lost, he tried looking for her older brother but no can do, she was lost, still she never stopped looking for her, but the enemies were far to devious for the peoples comprehension, the people ran in panic pushing aside whoever was in their way, selfishness and gore at it's finest, the people were acting selfishly instead of assisting one another, they wanted survival, being angered by the actions of the people she started running around and kicking everyone and punching them as much as she can, he yelled at the top of her lungs "instead of assisting each other, you push your neighbors selfishly, COWARDS" perhaps that was the punch they needed to wake up from the darkness within them, a punch in the core of their hearts, her dark aura intimidated all of the weak villagers she was a raging beast, she looked at them with eyes filled with rage and despair and realized her sister was still gone, he then left the cowards to fend for themselves as he went to look for her, and then she finally found her, he was protecting a child that was being bullied by three bandits that wanted to push her off from the mountain into the deep raging ocean.


    She ran towards them like a rage-full demon that wanted nothing but their destruction, he destroyed them in mere five minutes, they were weak, they were in the same level as her. The young uchiha girl took hold of her brother’s hand, but one of the scum bag had planted a paper bomb seal beneath the young uchiha, and as he realized it, he threw her sister ten meters away with a tough throw that he performed as hard as he can, he then stepped back a half step but it was too lat.

    She fell into the ocean sinking to the depths of the unknown, she abandoned all hope the explosion struck her body roughly, It was difficult and painful to even twitch, she crossed her arms as her consciousness faded into oblivion, the dreams she had, the happiness she enjoyed fleeted like a sakura petal dancing with the gentle breeze, she knew it all along, their day would damage her for eternity, and it appears that it had ended her life. The crimson eyed girl of the uchiha fell a victim to the deep blue ocean, and gave up, perhaps she was not capable of defying fate, he was weak, he knew that and yet, he still defied fate. There was mesmerizing for her, the only truth no one can deny no matter how much they try to, is death. It surrounds us, it ends us, it controls us, and rules every living being, The young girl drifted from the happy life of her into the cold deep sad ocean of despair, but she was not to die, she defied fate and nature, perhaps it was a blessing, or is it a curse? One could only hope to know.

    Lost in the ocean of despair and blue, the girl drifted into the shore of a certain village, wet from the ocean that carried her all the way here it seemed like a miracle, she remained in a comma in the ocean for years, only to end up on the shore, the loss of his loved one's was no longer a problem, his memory, however, was. A beautiful girl by the name of Alice found the girl lying cold and wet on the shoreline, she woke her up and treated her to the best of her capabilities, and asked her her name, she, however, knew not what to answer, all he remembers was his fighting capabilities, and how to speak. the girl seemed dazzled by the color of his eyes that when she answered her "I....don't know.." she knew then right away, it was amnesia that had struck this child of the uchiha clan, and she spoke deciding a name for her in reply to her saying "I get it. Why don't we name you crimson, by the color of your eyes!" a moment of silence froze the air as she spoke in reply to the name she gave her saying "Crimson?...I like it" she truly did, and thus, his new life began, he might not have any memories of the past, but that means nothing when he can make more, which was fine with her, but still isolation, loneliness, and sorrow remained in his heart. The sadistic gentle demon is now her, Crimson.

    With darkness, hatred, pain, and despair within, and with hope, love, and light within, she shall become the ultimate shinobi and free the world of the curse of conflict, for some reason, hse always hated conflicts, this must've been a lost part of his past that still stings her broken heart, she lived hell for a day, and lived death for years, she now knows nothing of herself or of her truth, she's been covered in the black flames of fate's harshness, the black flames, she'll soon acquire, acquire and punish the wretched and the unworthy, and to her, all scum and murderers are unworthy. And with her flames, she shall protect the worthy.

    Alyssa had grown into a powerful individual by the time she was 16. She had found out that her brother was infact amongst those who had caused the revolt in her village which caused the death of most of her family members, and she had spent most of four years hunting down the man responsible and when she had finally found him an unholy wrath was bestowed upon him, this was where she had unlocked her Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan after implanting his eyes into her. She had then gathered all the remaining Uchiha that were scattered throughout the world and decided it was time they had recreated a home for themselves and others, a world that was peaceful and without war or hatred and thus with the help of her cousin Akira she would look to find a place for their own and also try to bring world peace.


      ---------------------
      RP paragraph:

    RP Sample:


    The pitch-black sky had just bestowed upon The LeVian Empire, and the moon was nowhere to be seen due to the vast number of grey clouds that invaded the sky on that day. In a couple a seconds, a lightning took down the silence and warned those beneath that a rain was about to occur. Alyssa alongside the three other LeVian Noble Knight had just arrived before this towering building which once had the purpose of serving as temple for some old and lost religion. Even if, the building was surrounded by a vast forest, the moonlight still managed to pierce a few rays between the thick clouds, illuminating this majestic structure which now had a different kind of purpose. Green moss began to grow around the supporting stones on which the building was build upon, overall it looked like an abandoned and old structure. Its perimeter was also surrounded by a medium-sized wall with a thickness of 30 inches at least, although it was quite old and it gave only a little amount of defense.

    Aya was affiliated with the band of rogues which recently just took over the area; also the role which she played represented a key part within their plan. The young Kitsune was placed in charge of their tactical division due to her analytical mind which was capable of supporting them with different kind of strategies that were beneficial for their fighting style. Whenever it came to devising up new strategies, Aya would propose different kind of battle formations while also dividing up the members upon certain factors. Those who were sturdy and capable of showing proficiency within close combat were obviously chosen to sit in the front row, while the medical division was placed in the back in order to support them in combat. However, knowing that there might be the risk of getting flanked or attacked from behind, Aya has also assigned a special squad with the sole purpose of combating such acts. After the Empire had mercilessly swept down and crushed the rogues who had the audacity to try and commandeer their lands, Aya and a few others were subsequently captured and taken hostage. At first the LeVian Commander had made plans to execute them all but Alyssa had intervened, not only because she had found out that majority were fellow Kitsunes like herself but she had also see the promise that the young people had held and had decided to recruit them.

    A couple of hard steel gates were placed with the purpose of encasing the building completely within those walls; only two knights were in charge of the mechanism at a time, and both of them were lingering above them as keepers. Once the group was located at a distance of approximately two meters away from the gates, and after the appropriate signal was formed; the doors were hissed open in order to clear their path inside. Quivering and screeching was the sound that resonated from the mechanics, clearly indicating the doors were quite old in age. Small particles of dust began to swirl forth while the leaves were savagely blown away in the process. Everything in this place had an eerie vibe; even the air seemed quite thick and uneasy, as it was overwhelming the novice and apprentice knights completely with its simple presence.

    Despite that the place looked abandoned from a distance, in reality it was heavily guarded by a hefty number of skilled knights. Those who were acting as guards were equipped with a communication device that was plugged within their ear in case there was an unexpected attack and the word needed to travel rather quickly. On top of this, the organization also had a number of knights that were skilled in sensory techniques, and around the temple there was a small sensory barrier which had the purpose of alerting those who maintained it, if someone had to courage to barge inside their base without any kind of permission. The barrier was rather simple and could be maintained be three knights at a time, also its shape was similar to a dome-like barrier which covered only the building and not the wall which stood around it. Almost all of the members of this organization were already above the threshold of adulthood, which meant that they were at least eighteen years of age.

    Having finally arrived inside their base of operations Alyssa let out a small sigh of relief when she was finally able to throw her weight unto a nearby chair. She had no idea why rogues were hell-bent on trying to capture the land which was held by The LeVian Empire for more than three millennia but there was no way in hell she would allow a bunch of power hungry hooligans trample on the lands that she had her ancestors had sworn to protect. Slumping back into in the chair, Alyssa would begin to rub her temples as her golden hues scanned the maps that lay scattered all over the table. They had already managed to take down most the threats and their war was almost over, which was a relief seeing that Alyssa always hated violence but in the end these people didn’t want to listen to reason or compromise and so unfortunately they had been wiped out of existence, which was a pity after all a life was a precious thing no matter how the person had lived it. “Lady Alyssa.” A soft voice rung out from behind the wooden closed doors. “It seems as if the leader of the remanding Rogues wants to surrender and wishes for an audience with you and is currently waiting with Commander Aya in the meeting room.” Alyssa was more than pleased with this turn of events, no more fighting means no more loss of lives for her and the rogues. “Thank you for that bringing such good news, I’ll be there shortly.” She replied tiredly to the messenger behind the door. Slowly getting up to her feet Alyssa quickly made herself presentable and made her way to meet this man.

    All in all, it's a choice game. Decide what you want to be, and keep those abilities. If you want to be a seductive, siren-type character, who uses her beauty to kill, do that. If you want to be a smart, intelligent, calculating character, maybe keep the copy cat and stuff, and take out the outstandingly beautiful. Wanna be a mysterious character, maybe add some things in to assist in assassination-type missions, and take out the rest. Want regeneration? Be the kind of character that would need something like that, be arrogant and beserk, etc.

    All in all, I will have to agree with Yuuki. While I do like your personality trying to contradict that you;re a mary sue, your personality and abilities make no sense when put together. Mary sues often don't want attention. In fact, they are so oblvious to attention they usually have like a million guys swarming them because of their looks, and think that no one likes them, and stuff.

    I hate to say it, but this is very obviously a mary sue. But these abilities are fine, in moderation. However, if you want to keep ALL OF THEM, you will have to greatly lower their effectiveness and strength.

    Also, don't be afraid to give your character some development. Strength in a combat-style roleplay is determined by how well you roleplay, not how strong your character app says you are. ;3 So don't be afraid to start off weak, and grow to become feared on this site, simply because of your rping skills, and not what your app says.

    After all, it's all fine and well to SAY you're the strongest, but if you actually SHOW that you're the strongest, THEN people will come to respect you. :)


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    Minea

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    Character Name: Minea
    Species: Human
    Alignment : Chaotic Neutral

    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by Minea on Fri Jan 22, 2016 3:41 pm

    I have to agree with Liana and Yuuki. I think you're a may sue as well. As far as your personality goes, stop making it contradict so much. Either have her be sadistic and fueled by rage or have her be calm, kind, caring and faithful to her friends. Unfortunately, you can only be one. You blatantly state that your character is superior and unrivaled by anyone in skill and power, which should never be done. Period. How did you get the idea for the telomere thing? I'm curios and want to learn more about these things for a character of my own. Could you try editing this down a little bit? I know it's important to flesh out your character, but you tend to restate things a lot. I know this is really nitpicking, but you tend to which from he to she a lot, and if you need help with where to put commas and where to put periods, I'm always here. Razz


    _________________________________________________________

    "Hold onto your regret; it's the only thing that's keeping you human."
    -Minea


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    sLy
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    Character Name: Sly
    Species: Human
    Alignment : True Neutral

    Re: Alysatríona

    Post by sLy on Fri Jan 22, 2016 4:02 pm

    @Seraphim wrote:I do agree that there could be a few things wrong with it, but look at the difference between this and Akreious. Akre has reached far beyond that of the SSJSSJ2 God status and people have approved him, his history does not cover all of his events of how a Saiyan received its powers from the start. One of the things I love about histories is that you can explain how you obtained those powers, whether it was a gift or even a struggle, histories can back up the powers themselves, just to give one an idea how its obtainable if its available or how a character operates with it via. uses it.

    I should probably point out that together as a staff we are limiting him absolutely to SSJ3. Everything else beyond that is deemed unobtainable and should be ignored.

    @Alysatríona wrote: -----------------------
    Looks:

    Seductive is definitely a good word to describe Alyssa’s overall appearance, having designed herself to induce attraction in both males and females. Everything to do with how she looks is important to her, wearing clothes that are more stylish and colorful. Due to her rather tall stature for a female, she is very noticeable in a crowd, much to her evident enjoyment, being the centre of attention, though that could be attributed to her various other 'attributes' also. Her manner of speaking is incredibly alluring and suggestive, a rather rich tone and drawn out syllables in addition to her uh... 'feisty' nature.

    Her features very hold an allusive charm to them, with perfectly smooth pale skin on a slender and curvaceous build with incredibly large breasts, the subject of many jealousies and admiration. Her eyes are colored a deep sea blue with a bright twinkle in it's depths, the twinkle of a youthful feeling, joy. Her usual expression is fixed into one of passive bliss, ignorant of all the troubles around her, in her own little peaceful world, which somehow adds to her beauty it seems. Her hair is a measure of her vain pride, being smooth silk to the touch and colored with the illustrious beauty snow, bright pink locks flowing like a pink waterfall. Her hair style has changed numerous times during her many years, starting during her younger years, at which time it was styled in a rather short bob framed around her face loosely. As she grew, she changed it to a flowing fall of water-like hair, falling lightly around her face and shoulders, which bounces around as if it were nothing but fluffy wool.

    I normally don't mind with characters claiming themselves to be among the most beautiful or anything, but I think I can see why this is becoming a subject of concern among some people here. To be honest, I don't think you need the very first sentence. It's practically telling us 'I am seductive.' and that's it, when the actual description of her looks is done after. I'm probably being too stingy but...

    @Alysatríona wrote:

     ----------------------
     Specialties:
     ----------------------
     Strengths:

    Uchiha Prodigy

    Alyssa is glaringly, obviously and super/unnaturally superior over her race because her capabilities are pushed beyond the natural level; making her immensely stronger, faster, durable and smarter than normal members of her species (in that 'verse) can achieve by any method of training and remain that way with little or no maintaining.

    O...kay. Why is her capabilities pushed beyond natural level? Did she train every day or what? If you want to hold a character with such high power, you will need to offer a description on how did she achieve this.

    @Alysatríona wrote:

    Senju Prodigy

    The user can rapidly regenerate. In other words, they recreate lost or damaged tissues, organs and limbs, sometimes slowing, or even stopping, aging. The rate and amount of healing varies widely, some can regrow missing limbs, others must put the limb back in place for rapid regeneration. They are generally in very good physical shape as their bodies are constantly reverting to healthy state, granting them nigh-inexhaustible stamina and vitality.

    At higher levels, users can regenerate not just their cellular tissues, but also their DNA, undoing genetic mutations and breakdown, as well as maintaining one's youth by extending telomeres. This also gives them immunity to diseases and infections, undoing any unwanted symptoms, as well as provide a form of self-sustenance, forgoing the needs for oxygen and food intake. If advanced enough, the ability will cause the body to cease aging as the cells are regenerating and dying in equilibrium, granting immortality.

    Aylssa however hasn't master this as yet thus she is only able to regenerate lost limbs.


    I'm just going to say an absolute NO to this ability, even if she hasn't mastered it (because this is suggesting she can potentially master this and can regenerate any lost body parts). Like even to repair DNA? This is already implying that Aly can become immortal, or anyone who wields this power. Ability to regenerate lost limbs or recovering from diseases is acceptable, but anything else beyond that (infinite stamina, anti-aging, DNA repair) is overpowered. As a suggestion, rewrite this ability to just regenerating lost limbs.

    @Alysatríona wrote:

    Father's Skill, Mother's soul

    User has achieved the highest level of combat proficiency (armed and unarmed) and is capable of performing superhuman/supernatural feats beyond normal boundaries. Masters of this ability have achieved a state of inner peace and balance both mentally and physically. They have an unmatched spiritual force capable of defeating enemies only with their mere presence. Their combat skills are completely unrivaled by anyone who came before or who will come afterwards, making them one of the most powerful opponents and a force to be reckoned with.

    Basically, this ability is telling me Aly’s combat skills are unrivalled because “I say so”. How does this strength work? It’s only telling me that she is stronger than everyone in the Beyond without explicitly stating how or why she can, say, defeat someone who can punch mountains. Overall, it is suggesting that Aly is unbeatable, “combat skills are completely unrivalled by ANYONE who came”. You can still keep Aly as being strong physically, but I will have to suggest that you give us an in-depth description on how she gains the upperhand, and add specific limitations that’s preventing her from using this all day everyday. I don’t see how defeating enemies with her mere presence is going to be reinforced in a character vs character match, and it seems like this is mission-specific to me.

    @Alysatríona wrote:
     Weaknesses:

    Phobia

    You have an extreme fear of something. It can be anything, so long as it isn't too ridiculous.
    Explanation: You are unable to face your fear. Whenever it comes into play you are either paralyzed with fear, or flee. An example would be someone with arachnophobia running in terror from someone with spider magic. Aylssa has a fear of Moths.

    This is NOT a weakness. This is a “Fear”, there is a separate section for this below. A weakness refers to your characters limitations or any key weakpoints that enemies can exploit to defeat her. Judging ONLY by your strengths as I read along and review, I am beginning to worry that you will need a lot of weaknesses. And I mean a lot.

    @Alysatríona wrote:

    Healing

    This individual's body is resistant to medical based techniques. All forms of medical ninjutsu suffer a -1 when used on or by this individual. This ONLY applies to POSITIVE HEALING EFFECTS, not offensive medical techniques, this does no apply to her innate ability to heal

    I’m seeing 2 problems here. One, you have absolutely no need for any medical ninjutsu’s anyways because of your “Senju Prodigy”. This is certainly NOT a weakness anyone can reach and exploit at all. Second, I don’t think you have really proofread your app to tailor it towards this RP site’s standards. What does a “-1” mean?

    @Alysatríona wrote:
    Fuinjutsu

    Aylssa is incapable of performing fuinjutsu period. Though senju were pretty proficient with seals, this was something she did not get from her mother.
    Not all of us are well versed in Naruto. So I’m suggesting you to give us a brief description on what a fuinjutsu is. Even then, this is still not an exploitable weakness at all. How is a weakness if, say, Seika can’t perform water-based attacks or Yuuki can’t use a Sharingan? It’s far too specific for an unlikely event.

    --

    So overall, Aly possessed way too many strengths and abilities while having no proper weaknesses.

    And now to special abilities…

    @Alysatríona wrote:
     Special abilities:

    Sharigan

    Alyssa's Sharingan:

    The Sharingan is not automatically activated in the user by birth. It is only first unlocked under some stressful or emotional condition after which the Sharingan may be used freely. The first of the Sharingan's powers is being able to see the chakra flow. The Sharingan can tell if a person is under a genjutsu. The Sharingan's second-most prominent ability grants the user an incredible clarity of perception, allowing them to easily recognize genjutsu and different forms of chakra, though not to the same extent as the Byakugan. This also allows the user to pick up on subtle details, enabling them to read lip movementsor mimic something like pencil movements. As the Sharingan evolves, gaining more tomoe seals, this ability extends to being able to track fast-moving objects before finally giving some amount of predictive capabilities to the user. However, even though the user may be able to see an attack or know it is coming, their body may not have time to react. The Sharingan's third and most well-known ability is that it grants the user the ability to memorize any technique that he or she witnesses, apart from other Kekkei Genkai techniques. The user can memorize ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu with near perfect accuracy, allowing the user to use the techniques as his own, or even modify them to create his own new techniques. In order to reproduce a copied jutsu, however, one must have the necessary skill or ability to perform them.

    - Power Within: The user can see Chakra Flow. (Passive)

    - Copycat: The user is able to copy physical moments of their targets. (Such as copining pencil movements, painting, or even handsigns.)

    - Extended Library: The user is able to memorize any jutsu they have ever seen. However, in order to replicate it, they must have the power and skill to execute it.... at least without hurting themselves.

    Eternal Mangekyō Sharigan

    Alyssa's Eternal Mangekyō Sharigan:


    A Mangekyō Sharingan is distinguished from a normal Sharingan by its appearance, which changes the form of the tomoe seal. The exact design differs for each user, though all resemble pinwheels. It is initially awakened by the trauma suffered from witnessing the death of someone close to the user. The Mangekyō Sharingan retains all of the Sharingan's generic abilities, such as casting genjutsu and the ability to distinguish chakra. In addition to these, the Mangekyō grants powerful abilities that differ from user to user. Aylssa had obtained the Eternal Mangekyo Sharigan by killing her rogue brother and transplanting his eyes.

    So right off the bat, Aly has started with a Mangekyo Sharingan AND a Rinnegan (basically a Uchiha Sasuke near the end of the manga). This, coupling with her strengths, is already enough to put her above the bar for characters starting out way too overpowered. I am not going to ask you to eliminate this ability, as you can freely learn it as you RP, but I will have to suggest you tone down your abilities and start with the absolute necessity for Aly as she starts out in the Beyond. I also notice that you tend to give us what the abilities can do while excluding the limitations. Mangekyo Sharingan has its limits that you need to state in your app. Also seeing how you haven’t yet detailed what Aly’s Mangekyo Sharingan can do, I am starting to worry that it’s going to go over the line as well.

    In all honesty, it is no fun RPing a character who is already fully ‘upgraded’ to begin with.
    @Alysatríona wrote:

     Attacks:

    Katon:

    Fire Release: Great Fire Annihilation
    Fire Release: Great Fire Destruction
    Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique
    Fire Release: Great Flame Flower
    Fire Release: Hiding in Ash and Dust Technique
    Fire Release: Phoenix Sage Flower Nail Crimson
    Fire Release: Great Dragon Fire Technique
    Raiton:

    Chidori
    Chidori Current
    Chidori Senbon
    Chidori Sharp Spear
    Lightning Oppression Horizontal
    Lightning Oppression Horizontal Chop
    Lightning Release Chakra Mode
    Lightning Release: Lariat
    Lightning Straight
    Sharingan Techniques:
    Ninjutsu:

    Body Flicker
    Body Flicker: Lightning Variant
    Body Flicker: Fire Variant
    Substitution Technique
    Minds eye Kagura Technique
    Silent Killing
    Hiding with Camouflage
    Kenjutsu:

    Chakra Shockwave Slash
    Dancing Blade Risk
    Flash
    Iai Beheading
    Iaidō
    Samurai Sabre Technique
    Taijutsu:

    Drop Kick
    Elbow
    Guillotine Drop
    Iron Claw
    Liger Bomb
    Sharingan:

    Coercion Sharingan
    Demonic Illusion: Mirage Crow
    Demonic Illusion: Mirror Heaven and Earth Change
    Demonic Illusion: Shackling Stakes Technique
    Genjutsu: Sharingan
    EMS :

    Amaterasu
    Amaterasu: Flame Wrapping Fire
    Blaze Release: Kagutsuchi
    Blaze Release: Susanoo Kagutsuchi
    Blaze Release: Yasaka Magatama
    Susanoo
    Yasaka Magatama
    Rinnegan:

    Absorption Soul Technique
    Amenotejikara
    Animal Path
    Asura Attack
    Asura Path
    Banshō Ten'in
    Black Receiver
    Blocking Technique Absorption Seal
    Chakra Edible Creation
    Chibaku Tensei
    Demonic Statue Chains
    Deva Path
    Shinra Tensei

    To be brutally honest, I did not read all of this because it is just listing the names of the techniques without ever providing a description on what they do. Even then, it’s too much for me to approve for Aly starting out. Again, I’m going to enforce my advice that you cut down your abilities and techniques to what is most absolutely necessary.
    @Alysatríona wrote:

     Combat style: Aylssa is mainly a close combat blitzer. She tends to end fights as quickly as possible by overwhelming her opponents, though she can be stealthy and fight from range.
    You combat style is bound to change once you have eliminated some of the abilities above. Also, now that she has Mangekyo Sharingan, I highly doubt she will ever need close combat, especially of a lot of her abilities above are ranged and elemental based.

    @Alysatríona wrote:
     ---------------------
     Personality:
     ---------------------
     Personality:

    No simple words can describe her uniqueness. No she was never called a prodigy, she was never at the top of her class, and she wasn't the special kid, she was just a mere child of the uchiha, unlike what other people prefer to think, her mother recognizes her capabilities, her level of Intelligence, and unlike anyone else, she can read  her like a book. She never was at the top simply because she didn't want to be there, she wasn't the main center of attention, and that was her doing as well. She's the lone wolf type, perhaps she can also be called the rebellious hero. She simply doesn't want to stand out, that's why, she avoids others, yes, she has friends, but It's more like three girls that want to help her and get along with her, although, she Is kind of a tsundere, acting like she doesn't care about others, when she truly does. She's a stand up girl that would gladly be there whenever you need her, she doesn't allow anyone to harm her loved ones, and extremely hates those that judge other people, she dislikes idiots that blame others blindly, such as blaming a clan for a single individual's mistake. She dislikes talking too much and doesn't mind helping others, her lone wolf attitude, changed her a little by adding laziness to her personality, she dislikes involving other in dangerous matters, and thus, she wishes to fight alone,  she doesn't see much good in the horrid world, and sometimes she feels like killing and destroying everything, but that feeling only comes when she's under the heavy pressure of depression, whenever she's angered, her blood lust overtakes her, which also results in her feeling like the world is her mere prey.

    She isn't the type to be angered easily, seeing heinous crimes, abuse of teammates/friends/allies, and acts of cruelty is what angers her to no end. Whenever she fights, she goes all out, but remains calm, not underestimating anyone, she may take It easy on those that she's sure of their limits, or those that she's certain they're weak, but only by past experience. She has moments where she'd like to sulk and pout cutely while not intending on doing so, but she still sounds like a tsundere. She is a little bit vengeful, she won't turn a blind eye to scumbags or those that hurt others, she considers all that stands in her way an enemy, survival of the fittest is a rule she dislikes very much but It's the truth of the shinobi world, the weak are to be devoured, she tries as hard as she can to stop that from happening. She never shares her emotions and acts playfully(rarely), and hides behind the mask of a joker(when she's asked about her emotions or about her past) her family was the victim of a murderous shinobi, they fell victim to her hands and while crimson survived, she felt the bitterness and anger of an avenger, she felt lethal, and decided to claim vengeance. She acts according to her gut, which is why she's titled rebellious alot. She has deep soul piercing eyes, she's also kind of a good bad girl.

    She trusts her capabilities and doesn't doubt herself, she stays calm with her piercing eyes almost all of the time. She doesn't mind helping others with their emotional troubles, and their life problems, however, If asked about her personal life, she dodges the question or avoids it, no, it's not an act of keeping distance, in fact she hopes to remove any distance between her and her friends, it's just that she refuses to bother others with her pains and troubles, she fights stubbornly, she never gives up or goes back on her promises, she never goes back on her word. Some of the phrases she uses: "Yippi-kay-ay, motherfucker" she says It calmly and with a sharp voice making It sound 'cooler' or more ''badass'', another one of her sentences Is "I'll bite you to death~."


    She also has her motto like some people do "No Pain No Gain" She speaks with a calm attractive voice, she's very protective of those she loves, and doesn't mind walking on needles while raining lava If It's for a friend, but still she hides her emotions. After the loss of her memory, her painful memories were swept into a dark hole alongside her happy memories and experiences, her personality, however remains. Untouched, except, now she sometimes feels emotionally numb, her ability to speak her language was also left untouched, aside from everything, her only memory is her being a shinobi. She also has the sadistic nature of her then comes along her anger, she can be complex, yet ever so simple, she doesn't care about the outer look as she believe It Is the inside that matters, she believes In her ''true'' friends, and dislikes showing her kindness, she'll definitely help those In need,  even it is not in her power, she'll still help, although she might act selfish but in complete honesty, she more selfless than anyone, she may beg and kneel for someone else, and hide her physical pain, or take hits willingly from someone she loves, but only, if it's  to protect them. Unlike normal girls her age, she tends to be attracted by those that are older than her, she enjoys fighting, and loves it, she dislikes having her fights interrupted, though, it'll seriously anger her, she remembers nothing of her real name that's why she calls herself by what the people around named her,  or more like nicknamed her, thanks to her blood red eyes with a beautiful vertical slit iris she's called crimson, describing the red moon of the vampires as crimson was mostly fitting for the appearance of her eyes, she's not the type to care about what she wears as long as its something comfy. She Isn't the type to betray her friends for any reason, unless it's for their sake, she might hold a grudge against those that harm her and her friends, but remains calm, hiding as a lone wolf within her mysterious aura. She also seems to be easily angered, however, she still remains calm, her rage is more like a "silent rage", It actually Is, but not anything could anger her that easily.

    You just contradicted yourself. Her personality states that she likes to be the centre of attention, and now this one state she doesn’t. Same goes for her ‘lone wolf’ personality. Let me pull a segment out of your “Looks” section so you can compare and see what I mean:

    “Due to her rather tall stature for a female, she is very noticeable in a crowd, much to her evident enjoyment, being the centre of attention, though that could be attributed to her various other 'attributes' also. Her manner of speaking is incredibly alluring and suggestive, a rather rich tone and drawn out syllables in addition to her uh... 'feisty' nature.”

    I don’t really see much of a Mary Sue kind of character like others had suggested, but it doesn’t mean you are off the hook. An excessively abundant number of abilities aside, you personality is still conflicting with what I read in the beginning. I would suggest you have a look over and come to a conclusion on what persona you want Aly to take. A ‘Tsundere’ or attention seeker.

    @Alysatríona wrote:
    RP paragraph:

    RP Sample:


    The pitch-black sky had just bestowed upon The LeVian Empire, and the moon was nowhere to be seen due to the vast number of grey clouds that invaded the sky on that day. In a couple a seconds, a lightning took down the silence and warned those beneath that a rain was about to occur. Alyssa alongside the three other LeVian Noble Knight had just arrived before this towering building which once had the purpose of serving as temple for some old and lost religion. Even if, the building was surrounded by a vast forest, the moonlight still managed to pierce a few rays between the thick clouds, illuminating this majestic structure which now had a different kind of purpose. Green moss began to grow around the supporting stones on which the building was build upon, overall it looked like an abandoned and old structure. Its perimeter was also surrounded by a medium-sized wall with a thickness of 30 inches at least, although it was quite old and it gave only a little amount of defense.

    Aya was affiliated with the band of rogues which recently just took over the area; also the role which she played represented a key part within their plan. The young Kitsune was placed in charge of their tactical division due to her analytical mind which was capable of supporting them with different kind of strategies that were beneficial for their fighting style. Whenever it came to devising up new strategies, Aya would propose different kind of battle formations while also dividing up the members upon certain factors. Those who were sturdy and capable of showing proficiency within close combat were obviously chosen to sit in the front row, while the medical division was placed in the back in order to support them in combat. However, knowing that there might be the risk of getting flanked or attacked from behind, Aya has also assigned a special squad with the sole purpose of combating such acts. After the Empire had mercilessly swept down and crushed the rogues who had the audacity to try and commandeer their lands, Aya and a few others were subsequently captured and taken hostage. At first the LeVian Commander had made plans to execute them all but Alyssa had intervened, not only because she had found out that majority were fellow Kitsunes like herself but she had also see the promise that the young people had held and had decided to recruit them.

    A couple of hard steel gates were placed with the purpose of encasing the building completely within those walls; only two knights were in charge of the mechanism at a time, and both of them were lingering above them as keepers. Once the group was located at a distance of approximately two meters away from the gates, and after the appropriate signal was formed; the doors were hissed open in order to clear their path inside. Quivering and screeching was the sound that resonated from the mechanics, clearly indicating the doors were quite old in age. Small particles of dust began to swirl forth while the leaves were savagely blown away in the process. Everything in this place had an eerie vibe; even the air seemed quite thick and uneasy, as it was overwhelming the novice and apprentice knights completely with its simple presence.

    Despite that the place looked abandoned from a distance, in reality it was heavily guarded by a hefty number of skilled knights. Those who were acting as guards were equipped with a communication device that was plugged within their ear in case there was an unexpected attack and the word needed to travel rather quickly. On top of this, the organization also had a number of knights that were skilled in sensory techniques, and around the temple there was a small sensory barrier which had the purpose of alerting those who maintained it, if someone had to courage to barge inside their base without any kind of permission. The barrier was rather simple and could be maintained be three knights at a time, also its shape was similar to a dome-like barrier which covered only the building and not the wall which stood around it. Almost all of the members of this organization were already above the threshold of adulthood, which meant that they were at least eighteen years of age.

    Having finally arrived inside their base of operations Alyssa let out a small sigh of relief when she was finally able to throw her weight unto a nearby chair. She had no idea why rogues were hell-bent on trying to capture the land which was held by The LeVian Empire for more than three millennia but there was no way in hell she would allow a bunch of power hungry hooligans trample on the lands that she had her ancestors had sworn to protect. Slumping back into in the chair, Alyssa would begin to rub her temples as her golden hues scanned the maps that lay scattered all over the table. They had already managed to take down most the threats and their war was almost over, which was a relief seeing that Alyssa always hated violence but in the end these people didn’t want to listen to reason or compromise and so unfortunately they had been wiped out of existence, which was a pity after all a life was a precious thing no matter how the person had lived it. “Lady Alyssa.” A soft voice rung out from behind the wooden closed doors. “It seems as if the leader of the remanding Rogues wants to surrender and wishes for an audience with you and is currently waiting with Commander Aya in the meeting room.” Alyssa was more than pleased with this turn of events, no more fighting means no more loss of lives for her and the rogues. “Thank you for that bringing such good news, I’ll be there shortly.” She replied tiredly to the messenger behind the door. Slowly getting up to her feet Alyssa quickly made herself presentable and made her way to meet this man.

    While I do appreciate more descriptive and longer posts in every RP, this one is way too much. I have to say it is important that you strike a balance between what is descriptive enough and what is being too excessive or redundant. The reason why I’m telling you this is because not many of us would want to read a huge chunk of text when they want to get into the RP sense. I would say, try and aim at 500 words, rather than 1k.
    --
    That’s all I have to say for your app. It does have a lot of potential, but it’s still too much for a starting character. Judging by this app, I think Aly was a character you have created and built in a previous RP site (maybe a Naruto forum) and perhaps you didn’t want to go through all that ‘grinding’ just get her from average to this powerful.

    You can still keep all of this (except for the DNA regeneration thing. That is already far too OP), but what I will REALLY want if you do so is sufficient amounts of weaknesses and not trying to cover up any mistakes that Aly may pose if she gets into the actual combat sense.

    Bump when you’re ready.


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